Excerpts from the Amateur Travel Guide of Harry LaRue

Unlike the gaudy lighting of Vegas or the soulful trumpet squeal of New Orleans, it was the quiet serenity that called to me to the quaint town of Sardine.  While around the border were modest two-story houses, rising from the center was a titanium building that gleamed in the sun.  It curved slightly towards the top resembling a narrow shark fin.  From it floated the only sound in the town, a very melodious octave, neither too high nor too low.

There was but one car on the street as i entered the town.  I pulled into the first parking space I saw, so i could make my way on foot.

Trekking down the pleasantly old fashioned cobble-stone street I passed many houses but few businesses.  Of those few were the local practitioner, the general store and a hardware store.  Walking to the center of town i see the enormous shark fin building that holds the entire town on its reflective surface.  With this town easily holding tens of thousands of inhabitants, the silence was increasingly more striking.  All of the sudden a voice rose from behind me.

"Do i have myself a customer!"  I turn to face a man pacing towards me with a salesman's smile.  He tips his bowler hat as he stops.  He wears a meticulously ironed suit whose quality speaks well to his business's success.  I inform him that i am only a traveller visiting each on a list of cities that i have compiled.

"Oh well then," he replies, "perhaps I'll give you a free little tour of my establishment and you can give a good recommendation to your friends."  He winked and led me through the glass doors of the titanium building.

"Here is the front desk.  They check your  membership card and guide you through this door.  Membership is only 120 dollars a month and 1,000 dollars a year."  He leaned close, "that yearly membership is quite a bargain."  Everything in the room was coated with chrome creating an extremely futuristic look; a sharp contrast to the rustic architecture of the surrounding town.

Moving on we walked down a hallway with a softly colored carpet.  Very appealing music played.  It was electronic and did not evoke emotions, but it was appealing.

The next room was most surprising.  Here, the walls extended to the sky and the ceiling could scarcely be spotted.  It was easily 60 stories tall.  Lining the walls were people in large comfortable looking chairs with content looks on their faces.  

"Here is the room where all the magic happens.  This is where our customers receive their daily dose of communal euphoria."  I did not understand what he meant.

"What exactly do you mean by that," I asked.

"Well let me give you a brief history of the people of this town.  They simply adored community.  At the center of town, before I constructed this building, was a town hall.  They would meet and drink and have a merry old time.  The transition, i believe, came with the installation of telephones.  They would talk for hours at a time, in the comfort of their home.  What this allowed was for them to have added convenience to their meeting with other people.  It was also an added advantage for the people to simply not pick up the phone if they didn't feel like talking; this came around with the addition of caller ID.  Of course meeting in person was not completely abolished but when they would meet it was not uncommon that people would simply stop listening if they didn't enjoy the conversation so much or start up a conversation with another person in mid-conversation.  While the people became accustomed to this, it was still something of an inconvenience.  It was from this inconvenience that i came into the situation.  Follow me, sir."  The man led me into a room marked "employees only."  The room was narrow and seemed to circle around the room we were just in.  He pointed up and when i looked up i saw a number of six foot vats with naked bodies inside them.

"What are those!" I asked, taken aback.

"Those, my good man, are the clones.  How I managed to solve the little dilemma that was facing the people and their social interactions is simple.  I grew these clones."  He leaned close to me, "and where I get em, i get em cheap."  He stepped back and looked with pride at all the clones.  There was a momentary pause.

"So how do these clones actually solve the problem?" I asked.

"Oh right right, silly me.  I decided to take out the middle man, go straight to the source.  I have intravenous tubes inserted into these clones that extracts pure phonemoplasm.  This is the glorious fluid that produces that euphoria of being with people and talking with them without those moments of having to sacrifice time for them or put up with those minutes where conversation is anywhere less than completely enjoyable."

"Well how about that!" I said, "I didn't even know that such a thing existed."

"Aha, and therein lies my genius; i'm the only man that found it and believe you me, its paying off.  I give the people just what they want."

"Well doesn't there seem to be something a little unethical about that?" I asked.

"D****t, boy, i'm not a moralist, i'm a businessmen.  I'm not taking from these people anything they don't want to keep nor am i giving to them anything they didn't ask for."  I nodded.  "Now moving on..."  He led me through a door exiting the main room.  "Here is the nursery.  It is a new addition to the establishment but a completely necessary one.  If you've got kids, they can prove quite a difficulty so we take that burden off your back."  I followed the man out the back door and found myself standing in the town center once more.  Looking around i saw through a building's window a group of people sitting around a table crying.  

"Who are they?" I asked.

"Oh, they're just a couple of people who are having a "real" meeting."

"Why are they crying."

"Well probably because they haven't purchased a membership.  I've been advertising to them every day for a while but they won't break.  But don't worry, they'll break.  My establishment is growing every day."

"Well thank you so much for the tour, mister."

"My pleasure, good man.  I hope to see you come visit.  We do have day passes."

"We'll see."  I then set off back towards my car, my shoes clicking on the cobblestone street that i was so fond of.  The town of Sardine was certainly one of the most interesting towns i have experienced on my travels.  If you are a person seeking the partying nightlife or a bustling marketplace to see all wares from every corner of the world, this may not be the place for you.  But if you're looking to experience all those quirks and quiddities that the earth has or you just have a liking for tranquility, i would consider the town of Sardine as a must visit.  Personally, if i had the time, i'd check out a hotel so i can spend an extra day.  But alas, the next city on my list is calling me and i haven't got time to waste.