Canoe's

broken lives

Canoe’s

 

Only dreams of white lace

Covering my face

Ran through my brain

Seven years ago when

I booked our bridal room

When you asked to be

My groom

 

I chose a secluded place

High up inside

The limbs of soaring trees

Surrounded by chirping birds

And bright green leaves

 

Where you would

Say your vows to me

At Canoe's on the

Chatahoochee River

 

Now only rain and

My warm salty

Teardrops fill that

Vacant space now

 

God sent a flood

And washed it

All away

 

The very day

You decided

To forever

Stay away

From me

 

Reviews

[GridLok]

Sorry it took so long for me to respond to your request!

Certainly unfulfilled expectations, especially of such emotionally-charged fulfillment, understandably provokes such an eloquent expression of sorrow.

I am not experienced or learned enough to make any strong assertions about poetic structure. From a purely personal point-of-view, I sense certain inconsistency between regular syllabic structure and the natural rhythm of words. If one takes the end of each line as representing some sort physical pointer to the way the flow of sounds should procede, then I think there might well be something to be said for some rephrasing.

[Elizabeth Hayes]

This is such a sad poem. Great job.

[Ray]

It is quite interesting the way your stanzas shorten near the end. I would suggest however that you try and find rhyming words for the last ones. I quite like the contrast between the 'happy' beginning and sad end ! A pretty good job.

[M.Babu]

"Seven years ago when
I booked our bridal room
When you asked to be
My groom"

Loved that rhyme xD
Thumbs up for that (random part of my review)

There was such a great transition at the end. You literally punched me in the guts with the ending i had no idea it was coming :D.
And with that sharp transition came a powerful sadness with the finality and for some reason that moved me more that i thought it would. That takes skill on the writer's part. So congratulations on a wonderful piece :D

~M.Babu~

[Michael of Gilead]

Very O'henryish

[.]

oh..how sad..didn't expect this to be about loss...

[YouoweYoupay]

Romantic, sad and lined with beautiful imagery. The story of an incomplete love. Light and Fragile emotions easily broken into smaller pieces yet never to be picked up and fixed. Keep writing.

[Vinod Kumar U K]

Wonderful write Marie to compromise all before the Great Love..beautiful lines too..

[KATHY SUE SILLS]

Sad and filled with deep heart wretching emotions!

[Time Crosser]

So much emotion in this piece.
It started off as a fairytale but sadly didn't end as one.
People come and go, they fall in and out of love.
Guess that's just how life is. Well done.