Death's Come To You Love

A death poem

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

            Death's Come To You Love

Even though I gaze at you

In your casket of rest

I want to turn like lovers squirm 

Deep under I yearn

To see you at your best

Touching my breasts

 

Your death is spinning

In my head like a

Like a winning tragedy

Singing me to sleep 

 

Talk to me

This is no parody

My heart's in jeopardy

 

No more running from town to town

You’re a poker face now

Laying there stiff without a sound

At least now you can really pound

 

I’m still alive

But I’m barely breathing

I can hardly take you leaving

 

Forever I'll be grieving

 

Reviews

[KL]

This is an example of what I said in my other review... I understand and appreciate free verse poetry, but when there is no set structure for rhyming it really takes away from what's there. And this is a common thing with you. Read this out loud to yourself, speaking each line slowly. Do you notice the awkwardness in the first stanza alone? It comes across as disorganized, and in this case (since you use very basic rhyming words) it seems very confined, like you could say so much more about the concept but can't because you feel the need to rhyme every line. I think it's a real shame how nobody on this site can give real criticism... 5% of people who review actually put effort into what their saying. Don't think I'm harping on you Marie, but I've noticed this trend in the poems you churn out day after day; you have the potential, you just need to break away from any sort of rhyme - it's not helping.

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

"You're a poker face now"

wow..that was vicious.

[HopelesslyDevoted]

i agree, the wording in this poem is key to the power that it brings about! your very talented!

[Sunny Skye]

I really like the picture and this poem too. Good choice of words, well written.

[Arsenic Nemesis]

Bloody well written and structured, and a nice choice of words too - and the theme of this was wicked too! I loved it, keep up the good work~

[Coyote Poetry]

The artwork is very good. You create a interesting situation with the poem. Death leave each of us with a different emotion. I like the description and the ending. I like this poem. A excellent poem. Thank you.
Coyote

[Moflo]

This was a very profound poem with a strong flow and some powerful words. I think it came out really good and serves as a great display of emotion. Good write.

[Cynthia]

Amazing and what a dark poem!Its such great peice of writng! And Yes, I Love the picture s well, it gives more feeling to the poem.

[Priyankaabhilaashi]

Good Work..!! The picture has been wise in adding charm to the work..!!

Great efforts..!! Keep writing and sharing..!!!

[Undying Glory]

creepy, sad but simultaneously this was pretty gorgeous work too, i just love that deadly combination. i do believe that was because of that great picture you've put up there. i sure like this a lot! awesome!