Death's Come To You Love

A death poem

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

            Death's Come To You Love

Even though I gaze at you

In your casket of rest

I want to turn like lovers squirm 

Deep under I yearn

To see you at your best

Touching my breasts

 

Your death is spinning

In my head like a

Like a winning tragedy

Singing me to sleep 

 

Talk to me

This is no parody

My heart's in jeopardy

 

No more running from town to town

You’re a poker face now

Laying there stiff without a sound

At least now you can really pound

 

I’m still alive

But I’m barely breathing

I can hardly take you leaving

 

Forever I'll be grieving

 

Reviews

[KL]

This is an example of what I said in my other review... I understand and appreciate free verse poetry, but when there is no set structure for rhyming it really takes away from what's there. And this is a common thing with you. Read this out loud to yourself, speaking each line slowly. Do you notice the awkwardness in the first stanza alone? It comes across as disorganized, and in this case (since you use very basic rhyming words) it seems very confined, like you could say so much more about the concept but can't because you feel the need to rhyme every line. I think it's a real shame how nobody on this site can give real criticism... 5% of people who review actually put effort into what their saying. Don't think I'm harping on you Marie, but I've noticed this trend in the poems you churn out day after day; you have the potential, you just need to break away from any sort of rhyme - it's not helping.

[♥(heatherawesome..]

This is kinda creapy........ Lol... I love the poem and I also love the picture. They both go togethter really well. Keep up with your awesome work.

[Abbie]

very scary jk lol perfect write :)

100/100

[Short.Nerd]

Wonderful poem!

[Light]

i don't know if it was just me, but i definitely felt a underlying hint of necrophilia running through out this poem, right?...wonderfully written!

-light-

[Michael of Gilead]

Too close to comment thoughtfully on

[Norma M Sutton]

morbidly fasinating

[Honey]

huh... i kinda thught the end would be something like "I don't need you anyways!"
or something like that... but good job ^-^
awesome rhymes, and good ideas

[Dilan Gray]

I love this poem, I love how you can imagine everything and the rhyming is fantastic.

[{A}shley {B}lack @-;-]

I love the darkness and the emotion emitted by this poem also the structure and the flow are clearly signs of a great writer this was a fantastic read I must read more f your work well done

[Liza]

wow - unexpected transition and ending - great job