Roman Candle

A snuff of a poem.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Roman Candle

I lost your Respect

Soon I felt Like your Creepy

Crawly Insect

Dodging your repellant

Your constant inspection

 

Once spoon

Fed the

Nourishing

Golden honey

Of your endless love

 

Without notice

Left in the cold

Abandoned

With a mighty shove

Left without money

 

 

How could love

As hot as a

Roman candle

Fizzle out to be

Cold and lifeless

As a frozen pan handler?

 

You were my

Manna from heaven

Now you’re my bite

Of bitter unleavened bread

 

Most days I

Walk around

like I'm dead

Without you

In my bed

To caress

 

How could such

Loving things be said,

When none of them

Could possibly be kept?

 

Because of you

I’ve

Wept

     Wept

          And Wept.

 

Didn’t I

Deserve an

Ounce of

Your respect?

 

 

Author's Note

I wrote this a few months ago. I've worked on it off an on. I couldn't get it out of my head. It still needs a little polishing. Let me know what you think.

Reviews

[Eagle Cruagh]

I firmly believe the best poetry is what
comes out of your head replete with all
mistakes. Every part of it has something
to do with what you were feeling when it
was written, to change a word changes the
meaning in some way.
This poem suggests that you were abused,
that you gave yourself to a man who turned
out to be a louse. Don`t change it.
Your poem is magnificent as it stands.
------- Eagle Cruagh

[Kenneth The Poet]

Like a Roman Candle indeed.

[Becky C Strukamp]

I don't think it needs any polishing. It's wonderful as it is. You did an amazing job with this. Love the structure too. You mastered this beautifully. Loved it.

[Mauricio Montoya]

not bad. good job.

[Tina Kline]

The truth is, you either trust someone or you don't. The reality is, trust yourself first, if that little voice is telling you something is wrong, listen, don't ignore it but that's such a hard thing to do when it comes to love and romance. I've trusted the wrong person myself.

[Twilight]

Marie - this could be one of your best poems, so far? As it is quite lengthy, there are plenty of fresh opportunities for you to make minor adjustments. The metaphors are quite good ones, without any ambiguous meanings or losing relevance at any point in the poem. Whilst reading, it seemed to hold a mix of bitter emotions, lonely thoughts and an angst for true love combined with respect? Is this what the writer intended to express..? Interestingly, I wondered if one (or more) real-life experiences inspired this piece?

[al25]

Nicely written.

[Goodbye]

I'm feeling you on this one - God that's just such a crappy place to be.

I think it's very, very well written, and the Roman Candle imagery was so, so good! I would only say that if you're not 100% pleased with it, maybe try looking for synonyms of some of the words and play around with it a little. But I like this for how honest and to the point it is, so I wouldn't change any of the meanings...

Just my 2 cents.

[PianoandPage]

my favorite line was "frozen as a pan handler" - that was just genius imagery and a playful nod to a somewhat cliche metaphor.

this does seem like it could be polished a little, mostly in the line breaks and pacing. i don't know that i would change the content at all.

[Undying Glory]

yes this is good work. actually i think it's fine just the way it is. this was really emotional and deep work, and i'm glad you've let it all out here. nice job!