October Night Dreams

A fall poem.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

October Night Dreams

 

Crisp October starry 

Skies steal away

September's dreams of hot

Indian summer nights.

 

Lovers lie in bliss while 

Wrapped in blankets

Watching the flames

Fight to devour the fresh,

Split wood.

 

Sweet kisses pour

Over the downy

Little head of an infant,

As she lightly coos from

Her pink bassinet.

 

Black spiders fastidiously 

spindle their deadly

creations of art,

As dreams of an October

Night come true.

 

 

Author's Note

I like the transition from Indian Summers to brisk chilling Fall nights. They are often instant.

Reviews

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

I think this was a good nature poem. I was born in October. October doesn't really have much of an effect on me though. I used to like the fall, but I don't anymore. I love the summer more, but this was a good poem. I really liked it.

[Miss Coral]

Beautiful piece- I love the overall feel... it really does seem like October in every way. Great write. c:

-Coral-

[KL]

You nailed it. This had 'October' written all over it... orange font and picture helped most definitely. Great write.

[Black Cat Fever]

This creates a very cozy and peaceful picture, just to keep it that why I'm gonna smash that spider up there, its bugging me. Love this!

[Mauricio Montoya]

nice work.

[ebonpinion]

The transitions sometimes are instant and this is a really good poem. Really puts me in the mood for fall. Tis be my fave season. ^_^

[Prometheus]

I love the first stanza. It's fresh and flows well. However, I do think towards the end, the poem lessens in its good execution - in the last stanza, especially. Although I really like the way you transitioned this, I don't think the spider really fits. I think it's because you introduce a focus on people with the second stanza, then the third is entirely about a person, then spider? I don't know if that's really the best reason, but somehow it seems almost jarring to me. I'd suggest drawing back on the first stanza and doing something similar to wrap the poem up more effectively. Also, the last stanza seems very forced. "Fastidiously" is definitely not a word I'd recommend using in poetry. Adverbs aren't always great to use to begin with, but having big adverbs takes a lot away from poetry, in my opinion.

I like in the second stanza how you approached it more like a haiku. You went from kind of vague imagery to more solid but simply put imagery, and that's good.

In the third stanza, I'd recommend getting rid of "little" and "as." In atmospheric poetry like this, every word counts . (One could argue that in all writing, every word counts.) You want to cut the excess and leave the essentials and mostly essential, because otherwise, it often deters meaning. An infant's head is bound to be little, so you don't need that adjective. I like "pink" in this a lot, though, because it makes the stanza more melodic. I tend to like sharp letters (like "k" for instance) paired with soft letters (like "b.") To me, it makes poetry more phonetically interesting, and I really like that, considering every poem I read, I tend to read aloud.

[Michael of Gilead]

Oh! i hate spiders! ewwwwww....

Otherwise it's great Marie :)

[Rory CJ Frankson]

*********************************************************** All Star Autumn *************************
And, here it is just that way, in my walk today. Under a cloudless sky.
The sun warm and the breeze cool. Leaves changing color, lightly litter the sidewalks of our small city. Freshened, by this our Indian summer...
I loved your images, especially with the child. The colour choices of lettering suits so well the season and an Eshler print... nice. The font choice as well suit your theme. I found it flow very well and gave it a read aloud, as I do at times in review. To feel how that flow of your prose goes. You have me here and seeing it, as I do love this time of year best. Neat that the last stanza has a slight dark edge and not blatantly so... I like this piece, a lot.
Well created this poem.

[Norma M Sutton]

Love this one. I have a fascination with spiders lol