Indie Dance Love

A belly dance poem.

Indie Love Dance
 
With the waving ripple and

ruffle of my moving skirt,
I stare at your ripped shirt as

I glide through the humid air.

Each thrust to the rhythmic indie

music I make away from you hurts,
the fast shake of my hips towards

you brings many stares.
 
It's the mideastern belly dance of love.

The clanging of the brass symbols on my fingers,
hypnotize you with a smile on your lips
 
When our steamy bodies slide together, we fit like a glove.
Our chemistry is so hot it makes you stiffen.
 

 

 

Reviews

[AndyJCash]

This was brilliant and very clever, the double meaning behind the dance ;) Very well done

[Jibey]

Very exotic and very erotic lol... I loved the build up to the last two lines...

[Linear]

It's the sight of a warm soft belly gyrating that makes the blood pulsate
Enjoyed :0)

[Becky C Strukamp]

very steamy indeed. WOW, passionate yes, wild yes, fun yes, I so agree with DaniellemaeBCrazy

Loved it.

[dangerbooze]

Very....steamy. I'm not even sure steamy is the right word. I can't fully explain what I get from this, so I'll just say the words that come to mind:

Passionate
Wild
Adventurous
Fun

[Carolina Kel]

I like the idea behind this, but I agree with some of the previous reviews. The last lie "Our chemistry...it makes you stiffen" seems out of place for a poem of this kind. Too basic for something as primal as you described.
Well done though. :)

[FlawedByDesign]

Very descriptive and engaging, but I have to agree with a previous reviewer that the rhyming leaves a lot to be desired for a rhythmic, moving poem. I also thought that "we fit like a glove.
Our chemistry is so hot"
is a little cliche. You could have really elevated it here by providing a piece de resistance so to speak using different words.

All in all, well done.

[manchilld99]

Gives me a sense of not being completed. There is much description of the speaker's actions, the stares of others, the hypnotizing effect, then,

"Our chemistry is so hot it makes you stiffen"

is itself a little stiff, and leads to somewhere that is like walking off a cliff -- to where? doing what?

Good images, though.

[Alice_In_WhateverLand]

i like this poem, very sensual! i don't like the last 2 lines though, and it doesn't makes sense to me, how chemistry could " stiffen" you. overall, a good poem :) x

[Tea And A Cheshire Smil..]

I love the images you created in the readers mind :) Brilliant write