Carnival Games

A love poem.

Carnival Games

 

Tiny glass rings tossed lightly,

bounce upon the bottles

that hold 8 ounces.

 

Time after time,

they fly through the air,

bouncing from bottle to bottle.

 

Money exchanged,

hand to hand again.

 

From time to time,

he leans over to kiss

his dear and pat her rear,

 

Tossing more and more rings,

more time goes by,

just to lean over for a gentle kiss

and the chance to pat her rear.

Reviews

[Minki]

The silly things guys will do for a chance to touch a girl's butt. I loved your idea. As poetry goes, try to put an even number of lines in each stanza and make sure the number of syllables in each line match up a bit better. Other than that, it was fun to read.

[Norma M Sutton]

I don't know enough about poetry to critic it for you, but I enjoyed reading it. The concept is great.

[Arctic Fox]

Well It had potential. In the world of Poetry you have an irregular number of lines per stanza. I suggest a restructuring of the stanzas. As for "pat her rear" it seems so out of place compared to the rest. I read it and say to myself, that doesn't fit well their. I do like the concept, so please don't think I'm bashing your poem, I just want to help. ^_^

[Marie Harrison]

This is the story of a boy or a man playing a carnival game in order to get closer with his date. A silly carnival poem.