Confrontation with demons

Today when I was looking myself in the mirror I realized there is shadow behind the face I had been wearing for years. A shadow of the past that made me what I am today. The shadow of that little girl who just wanted to be the best girl for her mom and dad, who wanted to be the reason of their pride. Over the times everything is changed. I am really not sure, is it suppose to be this way. I remember the time when I used to do pooja every morning and wish for everyone. Sometimes it was a selfish wish for results. But now I don't believe in worshiping Him. Over the years I had confronted the demons inside me, inside all of us. Now all I have are the remains of what I had learned. Its such a funny thing "experiences are said to be your teacher" but all they do is take away your innocence, take away that precious feeling of trusting someone. I had seen how someone loses their innocence just to survive. We all feel happiness around us but it never comes alone it comes with the fear of loosing it. And we all try our best to hold it tightly even though it starts giving us wounds that we won't even realize until its too late.
I met a girl few months back. She was saying something like she will never leave her office and i asked her what if you marry someone who lives outside Delhi/NCR someday what will happen then and she innocently replied he will change his job for me but ill not change mine. I smiled at her ignorant stupid reply but i felt jealous of her too. She was talking like we used to talk when we were kid. Her eyes were as pious as a pearl in the ocean. May be she had suffered too but her soul was intact. She had that light in her eyes which was gone from mine a long back. I miss that light and that innocence.
We all have our demons. Demons are something that makes you do something you are not proud of that makes you do things that makes someone cry or something that makes you loose your innocence. I haven't done something evil but yes i have done enough to feel sorry for. But then if I try to take it positively no one can survive longer in this world with the innocence. The world will eventually snatch away your innocence and all that's going to be left behind is a person who knows the meaning of hypocrisy and dishonesty. I am proud of what I am today but some times when I see a school bus passing by or I notice the kids playing I wish to be that little girl again and to have that innocence again and bury all the demons inside me. I wish to be a girl I can look into mirror and say yes that's me.

Reviews

[Mark Mendoza]

This tale is the tale of life . its all about how we laugh at and conquer the demons . thank you for sharing

[nauman]

We all lost innocence.
We have all faced the demons.

Amen, to the wish you make in the ending lines.

[Marianne Rose]

Yes, this is a very sad but true story of loss of innocence once you have experienced your demons, and those of the ones around you. I felt moved, and related to the feelings of loss and longing this evokes. Perhaps we cannot retrieve our innocence or be like the little girl again, and burying demons to find innocence doesn't work- I've tried it- but we can charisma the innocents that remain, protect them as long as possible, so they can hold on to the light in the eyes. And I like to believe that wisdom eventually replaces innocence, and is equally light-bringing, once the demons have been exorcise do by love. Thank you for this deep and heartfelt writing.

[Chhawi]

Thanks Marriane! wisdom has surely replaced the innocence. But sometimes even the wisdom seems to be a burden because you know everything, you know all the dark sides and it just makes you sad of how things have changed now and then you will just want to go back in the time when you knew nothing.