heart

realization can be a b***h

Yknow. I've heard it over and over
Love is blind. 
Love is complicated. 
But they never tell you what you're blind to. 
What you miss out on seeing. 
They tell you all this stuff about dating. 
They tease you because they like you. 
They're playing hard to get. 
Don't let them go. 

Well I've learned things. 
The heart is the size of the fist. 
And sometimes to two get mixed. 
This pain isn't love. 
Your fist can't show emotions. 
Wearing my heart on the same sleeve that covers my injuries. 
Loving madly and painfully. 

Tears from upset and love. 
Sad tears are salty. 
Happy tears are sweet. 
It's proven they come from different parts of the eye. 
But it's not tested on how they feel. 
How they both burn. 
How they both numb you. 
Love numbs your pain. 
Pain numbs your love. 
After time your body just numbs. 

Feeling nothing is like being in love. 
You float through everything. 
Doing daily things like routine. 
Follow the order never stray. 
Do what you're told. 
Or else. 

Having to beg you to stay hurt me. 
Having to beg you to live hurts more. 
Yet after you leave me. You live. 
After you live.
Can I leave?
Can I escape from this numbing world. 
From the place where even help hurts. 
Even saviors are toxic. 

How can I rely on you so much. 
Drugged by your presence. 
Floating blissfully. Or numb. 
Hard to tell anymore. 

I loved you with my whole heart. 
My whole being. 
My whole essence. 
And you loved me with your fist. 
Same size. Same effect. 

How was I to know the difference?