Dear Lord

This is more like a letter. I hit so many rough patches in my life and I've begun to wonder why do things get as difficult as they do when all I want is to love and be loved.

Dear Lord,
why did you give me the capacity to love everyone, no matter what..
But you decided to exclude myself.
Why does everyone mean everything to me..
and I'm worthless.
How do you want me to love, Lord, when I can't feel anything but frustration and sorrow towards myself?
What is it you are wanting me to do?
To prove?
Cause I'm at the end of my ropes..
and I don't know how much longer I can hang on before insanity settles it's way in.
I do nothing but try, Lord.
Isn't that what you want me to do?
So then why do I ache?
Why does this pain in my chest not go away?
I want to be what you want me to be,
but I don't know if I ever will be.
Cause when I try.
All I seem to do is get farther away from you.
Lord, I'm nothing without other people.
I'm nothing without comfort.
Without praise.
Without.. something.
So then what am I really?
Just bits and pieces of what everyone around me wants me to be?
..What good is that?
I love everyone, Lord.
But I want them to love me too..
I don't want to be in a shadow
while everyone else is in the sun.
I try Lord.
I've gotten better.
Yet I slip.
And it always seems to happen.
I'm human, Lord.
This is what you made me.
And I'm so lost and so confused.
I want to look back and see those footsteps.
I want to look back and see you.
I want you more than anything else Lord.
So why..
What is it I have to do?
Why don't people understand me?
When all I do is try to let them in.
Why is it I'm always opening up a window,
and somebody always shuts it on my finger.
I don't know what I have left anymore.
Lord.
Why am I not perfect?
I don't want to be yelled at anymore.
I don't want to be someone's burden.
I just want to be loved and comforted.
But I'm told it's too much to ask.
So what do I do?
Why can't I be different?
Lord what do I do?
..Lord what do I do..

Author's Note

Wasn't really trying all that hard. Wrote it through tears so it's pretty much pure emotion.