Jagged Edge

I did this quite a while ago and I'm planning to add more to it. It's more of a prologue to the begining of a story.

As I crawled into the corner of the room I let the darkness encircle me and wrap me in its clammy embrace. A tear trickled down my cheek as I dragged the jagged knifes' edge across my wrist. The pain was sharp and intense, but at least I was feeling it. This pain was mine and no one could take it from me. I felt more alive then I had in months. I could feel blood trickling down my arm and soaking my jacket. Lifting the knife from its resting-place in my lap I began to drag it across my wrist again, this time slowly, letting the pain overwhelm me to the point of exhaustion.

A soft humming began to fill my ears as I swayed sideways until my head was resting on the carpet. The air around me became stale with the mixture of my tears, sweat and blood. My breathing became shallow as I felt my blood leaking onto the carpet. For months I'd made myself become numb, isolating myself from this pain, this heartache. I'll admit I never thought it would come to this, in-fact for a while there I could almost see the sun again and feel its warm glow caressing my skin. But not now, any hope of feeling that warm tingle of happiness, or dare I say it love, were gone. Those last few rays of hope had died within me tonight.

I could still hear the gentle thrum of music playing in another room, and the continuous murmur and shrills of laughter that escaped the party. Laying there I tried to make myself become numb once again, and empty my thoughts of the last few hours. I prayed for a quick release from my pain, not the ache in my wrist but the pain that shattered my heart. As I felt the beginning of pins and needles tingling up my leg, I heard a gentle tap on the door. I tried to muster together the word to tell them to go away, but I could feel all of my energy ebbing away like the trickling of blood.

'Kat come on, please don't be mad with me.'

My silence was followed by another swift tap on the door before it was gently pushed open. In my head I pleaded for him to leave, to turn around and walk back out, I knew he wouldn't.

'Kat, I know you're in here, please talk to me.'

The silence was almost deafening, and for a fleeting moment I thought that maybe he had left. Suddenly the room was filled with a blinding light, I squeezed my eyes tightly together, trying in vain to hold onto the darkness and let it envelop me.

'Oh my God, Kat '

I heard him move across the room and felt him lift my face into his hands, slowly I let my eyes open and glide across his face. He moved into a sitting position and gently moved me into his lap.

'I'm so sorry, I, I didn't know, it wasn't meant to be like this, why, why would you do this?'

Breathing in sharply I attempted to raise myself up on my elbows, he pushed me back down, but being this close to him made me remember what had been, I couldn't handle this closeness. Using all of my remaining energy I shrugged his hands of my shoulders, bracing myself against the bed I stood up and looked down upon his face, not with anger or hatred but with a sadness that had enveloped me for months. I had so much that I wanted to say to him, but the words refused to leave my mouth, so I did the one thing that I'd become accustomed to over the last few months. I turned away and slowly walked towards the door. I heard him get to his feet and move towards the door, and he looked at me with the same look that for months I'd mistaken but know I saw it for what it truly was, pity.

"Kat I'm not letting you leave look at yourself, you're covered in blood, you need help I'm going to call an ambulance.'

Raising my hand I placed it on his arm and used every last bit of my will to speak.'

'You know what's funny, for the first time in months I can feel.'

I let out a bitter laugh and our eyes locked, I could feel the trickle of tears running down my cheeks yet through it all I was smiling.

'I haven't felt anything in so long, and you know for a while there I even thought that you were someone that could make me feel, but I was wrong, it's something that I need to do on my own, I need to let go.'

Several tears had run from the corner of his eyes and were making there way down his cheeks. He lowered his arm and moved away from the door and I let my grasp slip from him.

With that I opened the door wide and walked through it, I could feel people staring at me as I walked down the hallway. As I moved into the lounge room I could feel the music slow down as a quieter song came on. Looking around the room I could here whispers and feel the glance of everyone fall onto me. The room began to spin, I could feel my stomach churning and myself becoming faint with the effort of standing. As I stepped forward I felt myself stagger and fall. I fell into and empty black void and it felt like this would be forever, and it felt like home.

But it wasn't I knew know that I wasn't ready to let go, I wouldn't give in this easily, I was stronger then that.

I could here someone calling my name, and pushing the hair of my face. I could here there sobbing and the sadness in their voice. Opening my eyes I looked into his face again

'Jake.'

'Kat I do love you I always have, but you'd never let me get close to you. I've tried so many times. Don't let me be the cause of all your pain I love you to much for that.'

I felt my heart lift and I wrapped my arm around his neck.

'Jake you were never the cause you were my cure.'

I felt his lips brush against my cheek. And once again I was enveloped but this time it wasn't into an empty void, instead it was into a place inside me. And I really was home.

                           

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