Creep

Just a easy read. Give some advice back please.

Creep

 

The crisp October air was the sweetest thing she had ever smelled. I had found her in the park. She was sitting on top of an old picnic table. The same place she had always sat.  She inhaled deeply and exhaled long.  As she smoked her final cigarette from her crumpled up pack, she sighed and then laid on her back, looking up towards the soft, red, fall sky. I couldn’t take my eyes off her. She was simply remarkable. Breathtaking. A true Venus. Her eyes were like a cup of coffee. Bold, dark, and warm. Her lips matched her personality loud and sinful. I couldn’t even begin to imagine the taste of them. Her hair was messy, closely relating to her life. A large tangled up ball full of knots, dirt, and dead ends, longing to be cleaned up and taken care of. She looked over in my direction without an emotion on her perfect, pale face.  She was just a worn out, beaten up, underrated girl with bags from years of insomnia under her deep mocha eyes.  And even with the all the natural beauty in the park from the changing leaves and the glowing mums, she was still the loveliest sight to see.

As time moved ever so slowly for the both of us, the air surrounding us began to grow stale and no longer held that sweet autumn scent that she loved. I was getting nervous. I was losing time just standing there. After 15 minutes of doubt, I noticed her moving off of the table and start to head back to her car. She walked slow but was heading in my direction. I had to get into position. One false move and I would ruin everything. I didn’t want to ruin this. I had been planning this for months. As she got closer to the tree I was behind, I got the item I had been saving for this moment out of my pocket. 5 more steps and my plans would be in full swing. My smile was growing wider as I felt her foot steps get closer. I heard her sweet voice singing; “Whatever makes you happy, whatever you want.” It was her favorite Radio Head song. The item was gripped tight in my hand. She turned around the base of the tree and I had jumped out so fast in front of her, I must have looked like a blur. I lifted the shining item high above my head and came down fast to her neck. I was swift and I was accurate.

She collapsed onto the ground wide-eyed and confused, gazing up at me gasping for air. Everything was happening so fast, but it all felt so good. I had finally gotten what I wanted after 5 years of waiting and months of planning. “But I’m a creep, I’m a weirdo.” I sang to her. The last thing she mouthed was “Graydon?” before her eyes shut and her lips turned blue. The blood that seeped from her freshly sliced throat was a deep burgundy almost like her sweater. I was so shocked I actually did it I almost began to cry. I had finally taken the love of Lana Summers and no one else could have her. The crisp October air was the sweetest thing she’d ever smelled and she was the sweetest thing I ever loved.

Author's Note

Give me feedback, not looking to cry over this so be nice I guess.

Reviews

[Astrid]

Damn.. that was brutally awesome. Twisted love ~ Molto bene

[Quinn W]

I was not expecting that ending at the beginning, or even halfway through. I expected it to be like a "love at first sight thing" but boy was I wrong. I liked the way you transitioned from it sounding innocent to murderous.