Blanket of White

A boys mother dies.

Blanket of White

Ambulance screams across the city

The sirens twirl and swirl

In dizzying patterns of blue and red

The sides stamped with vinyl printing of emergencies

 

Her heart takes a final breath

Her chest stops,

 No longer heaving

Ambulance fails

 

A woman’s body now lies upon a stretcher

Covered in a white sheet

Her shape, a woman loved

Is visible to all

 

The sheet stained with salt

As her life is remembered

In flooding tears

And smiles of the good memories

 

Her little boy tries to wake his Mom

By shaking her shoulders

And calling her name

His eyes weep of innocence

 

He cries and pounds his fists

As he’s restrained

In his attempts to save her

He howls in agony

 

Let her go,

A voice whispers

 

She’ll always live within you,

A finger points to the little boy’s broken heart

Author's Note

Please review.

Reviews

[TheFemininePad]

This is pretty sad Chelsea. I do have a suggestion for an improvement. The line that reads, "Her heart takes a final breath" could possibly read, "Her lungs take a final breath." It just make more sense. A heart can't take a final breath. It's my only suggestion on how to improve upon your writing. I do have an exercise for you to try to help your writing. I would like to see a poem with rhymes that talk about your own religious beliefs, and how they shape your life today. That would make for an interesting poem.

[Quinn Blackburn]

powerful, tragic, moving, with a bright seed of healing hidden within... beautiful wordcrafting!

[Michael.]

Its a good step up, I'd say. :)

[Gone]

Short and direct. you tell the story by describing the actions only. I am not sure if that was your intention or if you wanted the reader to feel the child's emotion.

[GrandDystopia]

Um...Wow! This was probably one of the strongest poems you have ever written, so much emotion.
I'd say keep up the good work, but theres no need:)

[Michael.]

Okay, now I'm depressed. xD
Justing kidding, dude.
It feels like its lacking something.
I'm not sure, though.
I myself would play around with the sentences and vocabulary.

[FallenHeroXx]

This is really good.. breathtaking to say the least..
All in all 100/100..

Great job Chelsea.. Keep it coming..

Fallen

[.........]

Wow! its like, hysterical in a silent way, like the little boy's insides are screaming, just yelling out, but nobody's listening. I think it's always like that, when people are restrained, they're hopeless. this is really good.