Blanket of White

A boys mother dies.

Blanket of White

Ambulance screams across the city

The sirens twirl and swirl

In dizzying patterns of blue and red

The sides stamped with vinyl printing of emergencies

 

Her heart takes a final breath

Her chest stops,

 No longer heaving

Ambulance fails

 

A woman’s body now lies upon a stretcher

Covered in a white sheet

Her shape, a woman loved

Is visible to all

 

The sheet stained with salt

As her life is remembered

In flooding tears

And smiles of the good memories

 

Her little boy tries to wake his Mom

By shaking her shoulders

And calling her name

His eyes weep of innocence

 

He cries and pounds his fists

As he’s restrained

In his attempts to save her

He howls in agony

 

Let her go,

A voice whispers

 

She’ll always live within you,

A finger points to the little boy’s broken heart

Author's Note

Please review.

Reviews

[TheFemininePad]

This is pretty sad Chelsea. I do have a suggestion for an improvement. The line that reads, "Her heart takes a final breath" could possibly read, "Her lungs take a final breath." It just make more sense. A heart can't take a final breath. It's my only suggestion on how to improve upon your writing. I do have an exercise for you to try to help your writing. I would like to see a poem with rhymes that talk about your own religious beliefs, and how they shape your life today. That would make for an interesting poem.

[Greg Skura]

Great write! That would be traumatic for any child.

[Liza]

this was a poetic story filled with imagery from the very first line - i didn't know blank could be so filled with a depth of white....you touched upon every emotion and even hinted with subtle whispers and mystery, you're evolving into a more sophisticated writer -

[highthought]

She’ll always live within you
thats the only feeling i read

[♥Kaitlyn♥]

aww it's very sad but it's written very well.. i love how i can feel the emotions in the poem :) good job

[iamkim]

awe :(( this is so sad... people comes and goes. "coming" is what i like the most, "going" is the part that i hate to know. poor little boy.

[M.Babu]

She’ll always live within you,
A finger points to the little boy’s broken heart

Awesome. Just awesome emotion displayed in this poem. Your power packed description makes it surreal and solid. I like poignance i can feel is real and tangible. Amazing write

[Cynthia]

Its so touching! I feel like... crying for the boy. Unlike sunflower 20, I love how you not tell us the whole stories, let readers think.. let us wonder... Its heart breaking where the boy tries to wake her mom up.. how sad and painful is it that a little boy don't have the strength to bring his mom back? Its painful t know that your mom is dead.. Strong emotions under this poem, love how you make us feel in this poem so much!

Overall, I think its really amazing and wonderful! Sad, touching and... its just.. wow

[Sunflower 20]

this is really sad and touching. But i think in the description you didn't have to say what actually happens, you didn't really have to say anything at all.
it like being told the ending of your favourite book, it puts you off.
so my only suggestion would be to change the description.
overall, nice job :)

[trainwreck]

It is a sad portrait, but the rest of the family isn't painted enough. Who else is crying? Still, it was a good piece and I'm glad I read it.