Beneath the Umbrella

A poem between the sky and a girl!

Beneath the Umbrella

Rain pounds the streets

Blue marker, streaking the black clouds

Puddles pooling upon the pavement

 

Beneath the umbrella

My sobs, colour my face in salty lines

My heart hacked by chainsaws

 

This girl

Her eyes leak stories

I’m going to shine my light

 

Beneath my umbrella

I’m blinded by this light

I reach for it, claiming it mine

Author's Note

Please review!

Reviews

[littlelilypurplebride]

still feel this needs more but i love these first lines and your last lines.
beneath the umbrella
Rain pounds the streets
Blue marker, streaking
the black clouds Puddles
pooling upon the pavement

Beneath my umbrella
I'm blinded by this light
I reach for it, claiming it mine

now this line confuses me My heart hacked by chainsaws every thing else makes sense but it could just be me on that line. god bless lily

[Abbie]

great write love it 100/100

[Hibah Shabkhez]

neat.

[Praiser]

nice

[Jim Parson]

This is a nice one, Chelsea. The switch from first person to third person in the third stanza threw me for a second. Although it has a mostly melancholy feel, there is a feeling of hope at the end. I like it.

[trainwreck]

My heart hacked my chainsaws.
Not only is that a super intense visual, it sums up pain really well and concisely. I really like this piece.

[Rose Masen]

This was so full of emotions. I love the one way conversation she's having with the sky. It's lovely.

[HopelesslyDevoted]

cute! love it!

[TheFemininePad]

Reminds me of when I was in Forks, WA. It rains like crazy there. One thing I never understood when I was there was why none of the locals used umbrellas. I quickly learned that it was no good to actually use one. The rain shifts directions constantly. One day it rained so hard the front of my clothes were completely wet, but the back of my clothes were dry. This poem just reminded me of that. This is well written, and you did a great job with the imagery.

[Kat24]

hi,
really good. Kat24

[Linear]

Rain and tears are the same, but in the sun you have to play the game. Or perhaps you just love to twirl your umberella in the sparkling rain, enjoyed