Show Me

A requested write.

Show Me

Strung along a piece of braided rope

I’m simply one of a million beads

Shining under some male lights

But what light shall be mine?

 

A sea of curvy bodies

All so divine and beautiful

I’m here with my hands clasped in knots

When will I see her?

 

My eyelids are shielded by skin lids

My brain wrapped in his glory

Tonight I pray,

Show me this man, my man.

 

I’m on my knees

See me?

I’m crying out to you

Show me the girl, the girl you’ve chosen.

 

*fingers snap*

*lit paths*

 

 

Author's Note

I was requested to write this by a writer on the cafe, J Michael Simmonds. It's about a man and woman trusting in God to find their husband or wife!
Please review!

Reviews

[TheFemininePad]

I'm alittle confused on some of the wording that you are using in your poem. What does "Shining under some male lights" mean? You might want to clear up that part of the poem. Also a correction to the word "devine" could be changed out with "divine" Those are my only two suggestions. Your meaning in your poem is also kind of lost to me about what you are trying to convey. Maybe it's just me though.

[Linear]

Trust in yourself but ask, plead for Gods guidance

[Katie L]

i like it great job!

[M.Babu]

"Strung along a piece of braided rope
I’m simply one of a million beads
Shining under some male lights
But what light shall be mine?"
This was by far the best line in the poem. You've crafted a literary monster here and hope you KNOW IT! This was just great work right here but I didn't get what it was meant to be until i saw the authors note and reread it again.:(
but still when i did finally get what you were trying to get at i was awed at the imagery it depicted. Nothing i would have ever thought of and i applaud you for this effort. nice one here

[Sunflower 20]

i liked the way you changed percpectives to show that they were both feel the same way. well done!

[Marie Harrison]

Remarkable poem. I enjoyed.

[Jim Parson]

This is a really good poem, Chelsea, but your inferences were a bit too obscure for me to tell what it was about. If I hadn't read your author's note, I never would have figured out that this is about what you say it is. Written in first person, it seems to be all the same voice which made the show me him, show me her concept confusing. Maybe a better delineation in the stanzas to demonstrate it's two different voices speaking? I think the end is clever, but it doesn't fit the tone of the poem and I felt like it cheapened the good work you'd done above it. It seems a more fitting end for a poem that is more lighthearted. From a poetic standpoint, it's nice, but for me, the message got lost in there somewhere.

[littlelilypurplebride]

i see it quit clearly of a man & woman and the lit paths as you speak of him lighting our paths god abba . lovely piece

your first line looks as if she is asking god to show or guide her to her true love. i love the first lines.

Show me

Strung along a piece of baraided rope
I'm one in a million beads
Shining under some male lights
But what light shall be mine?

or could be both of them speaking correct me if i am i do understand this quit well as i write scripture poems so much. this here is him speaking.

A sea of curvy bodies
All so divine and beautiful
I'm here with my hands clasped in knots
When will i see her?

he sounds so nervous and in love so sweet.

My eyelids are shielded skin lids.
My brain wrapped in his glory
Tonight I pray,
Show me this man, my man.

her brain being wrapped in his glory is gods glory his love protection. nothing confusing about this poem it's true love for god and love to want someone to share their dreams with other then god thats always nice god is good.

I'm on my knees
See me?
I'm crying out to you
Show me the girl, The girl you've chosen.

him praying

*fingers snap*

just like thunder booms softly and their prayers have been answered.

*lit paths*

he lights their paths so fate comes alive and their spirits shall find eachother. lovely poem was so devotional to god and so sweet and romantic full of love nice work god bless lily

[Kat24]

Hi,
this is really good. Kat24

[Lowesy]

hmmmmm......that was a thoughtful hmmmmm..... it wasn't clear to me that it was about a man/woman trusting in God to find their husband/wife until you said so, got the feeling you were a bead haha only joking, yeah well, I liked the way you described us all as beads on a string, interesting and new but I don't think it represented the searching for God part, have to say I am an athiest so I don't believe in the big cheese himself but still. As I said, good writing but difficult to uderstand

Mark

[Kelsie Eileen Stark]

This is an interesting love piece, very desciptive. Love it