And We Sit

I don't want to be here.

The noise from lockers slamming grates through my brain. Kids talk. I think Breck is screaming something stupid.

I so don't want to be here.

They don't know what's happened, they don't know what's wrong. But, I do. Because, tomorrow at 10:30 am, I get to go to McGuffey's Funeral Home in Lubbock to see my Gram's dead body. That's what's wrong with today. That's what's wrong with everything. With the rest of my life.

I want to throw up and cry at the same time. Every time I think about it, I feel that way. But, I can't stop thinking about it, as much as I might try. I can't.

I want to leave.

I'm on my way out the door of the school, ignoring the third period bell, ignoring the students rushing into classrooms, ignoring it all, when someone grabs my shoulder. Not hard, just a hand placed on my shoulder. I turn.

Eli's there. He looks confused. “Didn't you hear me call your name, Shelly?”

I shake my head numbly. I hadn't heard anyone say anything to me. I was too focused on Gram. And getting out. Leaving.

“What's wrong?”

I have to look up slightly to meet his gaze. Eli's a good six inches taller than me. I look up and shake my head. “I-” My voice comes out raspy from lack of use throughout the day. “I don't want to talk about it.”

“Where are you going?” He looks concerned. Not the fake concern people have been displaying upon finding out what's wrong. For-real concerned. He doesn't even know and he's concerned. That's how I know it's for real.

“I-I don't know.” I hadn't thought that far ahead. I didn't have a car, I was not walking home. I just wanted to go sit in a pasture somewhere. Or maybe the woods. “Just...not here.”

Eli's dark eyebrows came together slightly. Still concern. Still the for-real kind. “Can-can I go with you?” His blue eyes seemed to plead.

I glance away. “Yeah, I guess.”

We start walking, walking, walking away from the school. I had abandoned my backpack and books in my locker-shoved the bag till I thought everything in it must be broken into pieces. Just like the rest of my world.

No matter.

I didn't talk as we left the building. Eli tried to strike up some normal conversation about school or something, but took the hint when I only nodded, continuing to stare straight ahead.

I can tell he's walking close to me without looking to my left. He's really close. His arm bumps mine every fifth step. I counted to keep from thinking about Gram. Not that it matters, I keep thinking about her. Keep wanting to cry, to run, to scream.

But, I don't. I stay silent, I don't run. Eli's arm bumps into mine.

I finally find a spot I like. It's a green pasture with nothing in it, no cows or anything. I sit in the ankle-high grass. Eli does the same.

We sit. Eli picks up a blade of grass. And we sit. I don't want to do anything or think about anything or talk. So, we sit.

Finally, Eli gets up the nerve to break the odd silence. “Do you want to talk about it?”

I shake my head.

“Do you want to talk about anything?”

“Not really,” I say softly. Can't we just sit?

Eli reaches over and gives me the most awkward side-hug I've ever received. Tears spring to my eyes and I lean on his shoulder for a second. But, only a second. He releases me, but takes my hand and squeezes it.

I squeeze back. And we sit. I close my eyes, think of nothing. Eli's hand still encompasses mine. And we sit.

I think he's okay with just sitting here, next to each other, forgetting everything else. Just sitting.

I know I am.

Reviews

[Tesh]

Another powerful piece. The emotions of the narrator are portrayed very well. Sometimes, when something awful happens, doing something simple like just sitting with a friend can help. The short, sharp sentences were a nice device. Nice one. :D

Tesh : )

[rachel D]

made me cry. this hit me hard. remembering can do that.

[C Lee]

this is very savory. you are buried in greivances and reaching out however so slightly as you can. pouring your emotions into a well so deep that even the slightest touch and sentiment reaches the core.

[James Conrad]

I thought that this was incredibly sweet. I really found myself identifying with the narrator's position. The unfortunate aspect of life is that death is a part of it, and this story illustrated that lesson very well. I also think it's a good motivator, since it encourages people to find strength in the midst of tragedy.

[Ariel Wiese]

Awww...that's really sweet. :) I was confused though about Gram being a grandparent. haha Or is it a name. Ugh...I don't quite understand that bit.

[Joanna Colby]

i really like this...especially the last part from "can't we just sit" to the end. beautiful.

[M J Moore]

This was very honest, very open, and I like that. It gives strength in (to) the story. I like stories that are inspired by music and/or lyrics. When one artist is inspired by the other, it really seems to move me.

This is not the "strongest" piece. But it definitely has potential. It most definitely could be an excerpt from a larger piece of work in general. I like the way you developed it, letting our narrator be kind of vague, she could be any girl, in any town (hehe, Texas!) so that makes it easy to relate to. And yet, she's presented to us real enough to be believable as her own entity.

Very nice.

[Emily Robinson]

I liked it.