X Y and Z

I'm beyond repair... My heart will never mend again

X Y and Z

written by C. Lee Battaglia

Ever wonder how it started?

Do you even know the reason?

Whatever it is, we'll never know.

You were the one who made me laugh

The one that made me scream

You're the only one that's in my dreams

It was fantastic when you were by my side

I got comfortable and that's when you stabbed me with a knife

The pain is always there,

You told me that I was special

You told me that our forever was forever

Maybe I'm destined to be alone

maybe the only way is pain

X Y and Z are the scars that are on my legs and arms

X Y and Z remind me of how I'm nothing

X Y and Z start to bleed

X Y and Z I want to quit breathing

X Y and Z maybe I should just give up

X Y and Z is the only way for me

X Y and Z

You were the only way for me

Author's Note

Please leave constructive feedback!

Reviews

[emipoemi]

This started out as though you were going into some rhythmic verse, but then it lost that rhythm, and therefore lost the musicality a bit, because it completely swerved in a whole other direction that the juicy lines that follow can't compensate simply because there's no true musicality that's allowing them to breathe. Also, you don't really set up what the X, Y, and Z represent in this poem, so they come across as banal aspects (which they shouldn't since the title implies they're important). So, despite the powerful narrative and strong message, this needs a little more work before it may be labelled a gem. But good start. It wasn't too bad of a first draft.

[C. Lee Battaglia]

X Y and Z are the scars that are on my legs and arms... I have scars of the letters X Y and Z because each letter represents something that's happened in my life. Thank you for the incredible review. I'll try to go over it and give it some more rhythm.

[emipoemi]

a) you don't need to give it more rhythm, necessarily, just more fluidity/musicality.
b) what I meant by the X, Y, and Z are not well represented is that you don't really give them any importance up until the second half of the poem. So, yes, they're scars on your body, but why does the reader need to care? Why X, Y, and Z? That's what is not clearly represented.

[Brittany]

Powerful message. I do agree with emipoemi, however. The flow changed halfway through, which may have distracted from the power of the piece. That being said...thank you for sharing such honest emotion.

[C. Lee Battaglia]

Thank you Brittany!

[Brittany]

Of course 🙂

[Coyote Poetry]

Nice movement of the words and thought my friend. I liked the energy of the word and the final hope and wish. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[C. Lee Battaglia]

Thank you Coyote!

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome my friend.

[sette]

i like the expression of emotions displayed in the poem it seems that loving a person too much can really leave scars that can't be removed by the use of an ointment. It runs deep and is buried in the heart forever.

[C. Lee Battaglia]

Thank you sette! I really appreciate the review!

[sette]

you are most welcome

[Anastasia]

This was such a strong poem. WOW. I could literally feel your heartbreak as I read through this.
My one criticism: I'm not sure if surly is the right word to use in the line that it's in.
but whether or not you replace it; fantastic poem.

[C. Lee Battaglia]

Thank you so much for reading my poem. I'll take a second look at it! Thank you once again!