Voted

Life can be hurtful

Voted

Written by: C. Lee Battaglia

         We were in English class, but it could have been Greek to me. The only thing on my mind was the upcoming election. I could feel my heart slamming against the cage in my chest. The election would be in just moments. Tick-tock-tick-tock.  

The teacher explained things that seemed pointless to me at the time, I was running for Class President and my best friend Peter was running for Vice President.

         But there was also Colton, my archenemy (The evilest they get type) also running for president and his friend Jeff running for Vice President. He was running for Class President, all because I chose to run for Pres. He thought that it would be fun to get in my way. Also his family was filthy stinking rich.

         “Now class, for all that you’ve been waiting for its time for the class election.” Mrs. Frat as she checked something on her list, “First off we have Colton.”

         My heart sunk. I knew that I had already lost...

         Colton walked up from his seat giving me a mischievous grin like he always did when he knew he was about to beat me at something.

         He started off, “So if you vote for me I’ll get the class a gum ball machine, a Candy Dispenser, and my Dad will install 25 brand new computers for the class room since all we have is old junk.” He paused to think, “So that’s why you should vote for me.”

         Did I mention he was rich?

Mrs. Frat looked very happy and so did all the other students. I didn’t have any Gum Ball Machine or brand new computers; I was born into a middle class family.  Not some stinking rich family that get what ever they want.

         “Well next on our list is Chad.” Mrs. Frat said.

         I got up from my seat feeling like no one would want to vote for me anyway.

         “Ur… A-Hello,” I gulped, “Uh the reason why you should vote for me is…” I didn’t know what to say, “Well this year I would help you with having a fun year and doing things more as a class and less dependent on the teachers here at the school.”

         “This is the reason why you should vote for me. Thanks.”

         Mrs. Frat said, “Now for the votes.”

         “If you want Chad to be the Class President then raise your hand.”

         Only about 7 out of 30 kids raised their hand.

         “Now for Colton…” The rest of the class raised their hands.

         Almost at tears I walked back to my seat.

         Oh well, who even needs me. I thought to myself as Colton smiled at me as if he said, "I'm the best. You suck."

Author's Note

Please leave me feedback...

Reviews

[Nirupama.H]

Nice !! Your story just reflects whats happening in many nations, but in small scale. The same situation gets amplified to a national level in cases more often than we'd like !!

[Ehra Khan]

Well this one sank mt heart! whyyyyy? I'm surprised the teacher stood there standing!

[C. Lee Battaglia]

Thanks! I appreciate it!

[KittyKatgirl]

Naww that is horrible. Using money as a bribery to become president. I hope this isn't another true story.

[C. Lee Battaglia]

Well thanks...
and no this one just came to me...

[Taylor]

This was an interesting slice of a teen's life and one which anyone (except the Coltons out there) could identify with. I critique as I read and hope that my comments will be constructive and helpful.
1) "We were in English class, but it could have been Greek to me." -- it's best not to use clichés like "Greek to me."
2) " I could feel my heart slamming against the cage in my chest." Nice strong image.
3) "Tick-tock-tick-tock." This might just be a matter of personal taste but for me this does not add to the story.
4) " He was running for Class President, all because I chose to run for Pres." It might be better to phrase this as a bit of personal assessment rather than as an absolute. Something like "I was pretty sure that the only reason he was running for Class President was just to keep me from getting it..."
5)" mischievous" -- I would delete this word as I don't think it really describes what you mean and the rest of the sentence does so more precisely
6) " that get what ever they want."-- this is redundant and unnecessary
Nice story. Keep writing.

[C. Lee Battaglia]

Thanks Taylor!
I do appreciate the comments! I will look at it and re-edit it.

[Heartful5160]

Great work!! I saw like every moment play out in my head LOL.....I love little stories that have quotations in them!! Great job and keep writing!! :)

[Erin Flowers]

Hi C(had?)

I'm going to give you some constructive criticism here.
First, let me say: this has the potential to be a really great story, I really like that you spoke your truth, that's an amazing place to start. What it needs is a little more "story telling."
There are some real opportunities to use imagery to convey the feeling of the moment. Example:
"We were in English class, but it could have been Greek to me. The only thing on my mind was the upcoming election. I could feel my heart slamming against the cage in my chest. The election would be in just moments. Tick-tock-tick-tock"
I want to know what it going on inside your head as this election unfolds. The story is really great, but it sounds like a story you would tell to someone else. What I am really curious about are the things you wouldn't say. What's going on inside of your character??

I hope this helps. Please let me know if you have any questions :)

Cheers and thanks for your review on my silly poem!

xo Erin!

[C. Lee Battaglia]

Thanks Erin and it's Chase. Is it ok if I take your idea, ""We were in English class, but it could have been Greek to me. The only thing on my mind was the upcoming election. I could feel my heart slamming against the cage in my chest. The election would be in just moments. Tick-tock-tick-tock" I like it a ton!
Thanks Erin!
Can you also by chance look at my story the Blonde Girl?

[Erin Flowers]

Hi Chase,
Sure you can use it. BUT-- I'd like to see you dig deep and use your creativity to expand the story in your own voice. I'll be sure to read and review Blonde Girl

xo

[C. Lee Battaglia]

Hey Erin,

I edited it if you want to check it out leave me what you think please...

[Abderrahmane Dakir]

I like it. You try to say the truth. the end of the stroy is logical. Good thoughts. Thanks for sharing.

[C. Lee Battaglia]

Thanks I appreciate it!

[closed]

much like a memoir it seems to come from inspiration in some way

there's a poignant quality i think that could show potential for something else

i found it enjoyable


-Dream

[C. Lee Battaglia]

Thanks Dream! I really appreciate it!

[closed]

No problem friend

[Jamie]

I liked the storyline, but some of the sentence structure could have been more complex and less choppy. But I thought the story was great!

[C. Lee Battaglia]

Thanks Jamie! How would you recommend what I should do?

[Coyote Poetry]

A very good story. I like the positive ending. Good to toss the truth out and hope for a happy ending. The best man won. Thank you my friend for sharing the excellent story.
Coyote

[C. Lee Battaglia]

Thank you once again my friend. Always the first one to review!

[Coyote Poetry]

My pleasure and you are welcome.