Chapter 1 A another day

First chapter to The Link to Reality.

Written by: Chase Battaglia

Chapter 1

It was another long day at school and track and man, was I exhausted. I took a quick shower and then went downstairs for dinner.

My coat and shoes were in front of the stairway but I just ignored my stuff and walked into the kitchen. I sat down at the table next to my younger siblings.

I wasn't in a good mood right then because earlier in the day, my track coach caught me making out with my girlfriend at school instead of going to the track meet.

He cussed at me and made me do twelve extra laps around the court.

Next he humiliated me in front of my track team and said to them, "Reed is never going to be a runner like this. He's a slacker and I had trust in him to be captain of the track team! Instead of Reed, I pick Jeff..."

Anger and hatred billowed up in me. I should have been captain. I was the one running extra laps after practice. I was the one keeping up on my homework. Jeff was the complete opposite of me!

When my mother set a pot of soup on the table I asked, “What’s for dinner?”

James, my little brother mumbled, “Cabbage soup.”

“Oh come on, that stuff is nasty, Is there anything else to eat?” I complained because my Siblings and I absolutely hated Cabbage soup.

“Enough complaining! Your mother has spent the whole afternoon making dinner for us!” Dad yells.

“No wonder it tastes like mush.” I muttered.

“Reed David Benson! Apologize to your mother. Now! Then go to your room without any supper!”

I looked at my siblings and they also hadn't touched their food, “Sorry for being honest, mom.” I said enjoying the look of hurt on her face because that's how I exactly was feeling at the time.

Dad hit me in the chest and I stumbled  back and tripped onto the floor.

I knew for sure I had a bruise on my chest. The anger inside of was let loose and I cussed at my Dad through tears of pain, "I hate you! I hope you go to hell! I hate you!"

He was about to hit me again but then my mother grabbed his wrist and said crying, “Let it go; Let him go up to bed.”

“Night Jess, James, and Calvin. Hope you enjoy your mush!” I said threw a snarl and ran up the stairs and into my room. I slammed my bedroom door as hard as I could. I could hear downstairs what my parents were going to do with me.

So I, plugged my headphones into my ears and cranked up some heavy rock. I hate them.

I grabbed a snickers from my backpack and ate it quickly. And soon after I turned off the lights and slowly fell asleep to the sound of heavy rock.

Author's Note

Please Leave me a review.

Reviews

[Luximir]

I really like the beginning concept of the story, so the introduction to the main character. I do would suggest to show more things then explaining then. When the main chracter showed how displeased he was with the food you don't have to explain it as well. There are a few structure things I would change, but it is a good beginning showing what the main chracter and his family is like

[C. Lee Battaglia]

Thanks I really appreciate it.

[C. Lee Battaglia]

You don't know whats going to happen next... It's going to be crazy.

[Luximir]

Cannot wait for the surprise!

[C. Lee Battaglia]

Chapter 2 is out!

[A Ghost of Myself]

It was another long day at school and track[,] and man(,) was I exhausted.

My coat and shoes were in front of the stairway[.] (but) I (just) ignored my stuff and walked into the kitchen. I sat (down) at the table next to my younger siblings.

I wasn't in a good mood (right then) because earlier in the day, my track coach caught me making out with my girlfriend (at school) instead of going to the track meet.

I complained [.] (because my Siblings and I absolutely hated Cabbage soup.) (This is implied.)

“Sorry for being honest, mom(.) [,]” I said

Dad hit me in the chest[.] (and) I stumbled  back and tripped onto the floor.

The anger inside of [me] was let loose

He was about to hit me again (but then) [when] my mother grabbed his wrist

I said (threw) [through] a snarl

( ) = Omit
[]= insert

Sorry for my late arrival, I'm far behind on my reading list. There are some structural problems, but easily mended. Try a show a little more, rather than 'telling' the reader that he's mad, 'show' it through his actions. Overall you set your tone, sounds like a common hostile teen with a father who's not afraid throw some punches. A little reworking and this scene will be set. I hope this helps some.

[C. Lee Battaglia]

Thanks! It does!

[Obscured by the Shadows]

I enjoy this greatly, I am wondering why you keep the chapters so short, but if that is the style of this book then don't sway from it by making really long then early short, try and keep it even. Of course some chapters need to be different, that is obvious, but don't make it a continuous thing.

Regardless, it is a good story, what I want to know is 1. what is the history with his father and mother, is it bad or good? Is it normal for his dad to hit him? 2. what is his history with his coach, is he friends with the couch or not?

[C. Lee Battaglia]

Just wait. I'm putting it into it. It's a work in progress right now almost done with chapter 3 though.

[Tiffany Iris]

Nice start to the story. I am really interested in reading more. I would like you to go into more detail with the interaction between Reed and the track coach. I would love to read it more extreme. Good job so far. Keep it up.

[Lizardo]

This totally captures the life of a teen and his strugles, I really love this one, I really do.
You really did a great job writing this, I'm serious.
I love this Keep up the good work!

[C. Lee Battaglia]

Thank you so much! I'm a normal teen just like you and I've been through struggles just like every other teen.
Thanks again. Stay tuned for chapter 2.

[Lizardo]

I will be waiting!

[C. Lee Battaglia]

Chapter 2 is out!

[Lizardo]

I will read it right now

[C. Lee Battaglia]

Its finished now.

[Lizardo]

Alright, thank you

[C. Rose]

I've noticed your strength in writing is conveying emotion and a realistic voice both in dialogue and writing style.

An area for improvement is telling vs. showing. For example, have the coach catch him making out - don't tell that it happened. Show it. Have the coach peek his head around the corner. Have the girl pull away and blush. Have the character feel ashamed or defiant.

[C. Lee Battaglia]

Thanks I will definitely use your advice!
Thanks for the really good idea… I like it a lot!
Chapter 2 is almost done!

[C. Lee Battaglia]

Chapter 2 is out!

[Mr New Writer]

great opening so much emotion going around I remember felling like this a lot when i was in high school, I love how you managed to make Reed instantly likable but still with his own faults perfect recipe for a good protagonist. writing in the first person is always harder you must remember to included as much emotional details as possible while still keeping the flow steady. Sorry if that doesn't make sense I'm an amateur writer not an English teacher :)!

Over all you have a strong opening with just the right amount of character development and introduction.

[C. Lee Battaglia]

Thank you so much! I'm glad you like it so much! Chapter 2 is underway.
Thanks!

[C. Lee Battaglia]

Chapter 2 is out!

[Valkyrie Warrior]

Please, please, please, write more!!!! I love this story already!

[C. Lee Battaglia]

I'm glad you like it! Stay tuned for chapter 2!

[Valkyrie Warrior]

I await chapter 2 with baited breath...........

[C. Lee Battaglia]

:) thanks!

[Valkyrie Warrior]

:)....................

[C. Lee Battaglia]

Chapter 2 is out!

[Valkyrie Warrior]

AWESOME!!!!!

[luvs2write]

This chapter is a nice jump right into your story, it drew me in from the very start. It is in first person, which makes it critical that you include as much emotion and feelings as possible. For example, instead of straight out saying "I wasn't in a good mood." you could go into more detail on how he was feeling or describe what the anger felt like. You did a really good job getting Reed's attitude across, but I was a little confused when the dad hit him because there wasn't really any anger build up on the dad's part. Like maybe you could describe the look on the dad's face or bring up a memory of Reed when his dad was angry in the past? You have really good dialogue and make your characters conversations very believable. You've done really good job and I look forward to reading the next part. Be sure to send me RR! Keep writing!!

[C. Lee Battaglia]

Thank you so much! I will.

[luvs2write]

You've improved it a lot...keep writing!

[C. Lee Battaglia]

Chapter 2 is out!