A magnificently beautiful story ... Some might say that it was sad to read, and did not have a happy ending ... But I say, this story is perfect in that perfect timing of two people meeting, clueless that they would ever meet, who needed someone special in their lives at that precise moment in time. She gave you something no one else ever could have, and you gave her more than you will ever know, even though you do know ... This story is tender and touching to the very core of any heart that has ever had a first crush or first love, especially someone as special as I see that she was to you ... And you to her ... A wonderful memorial to her memory in keeping her memory alive ... Thank you for sharing ... Very well written ...
Posted 10 Years Ago
4 of 4 people found this review constructive.
10 Years Ago
Thanks! I really appreciate your time you put in to read my story!
She will always be remember.. read moreThanks! I really appreciate your time you put in to read my story!
She will always be remembered by me... I really like it!
a good story and touches. you write every word very precisely. and in this story I'm picking one thing, " that is not joy or happiness, but misery and suffering that makes us unite " ;)
Posted 9 Years Ago
9 Years Ago
VEry ture! Thanks Angel! I re-edited it so re-read it... Tell me what you think.
9 Years Ago
See... You are on that... U make it good ... And " no lasting forever. all must be changed and the e.. read moreSee... You are on that... U make it good ... And " no lasting forever. all must be changed and the end. no sorrow and grief that will bind us forever. morning dew surely come in time "
You like so many of us have stories to tell, and good stories too. And like many of us, the more we write and read the better we become at conveying these stories. Keep climbing kid.
Good Story.
This seems like a first draft which can use a good amount of improvement. However, I understand the story you were trying to write and I feel like you should definitely work on perfecting it. It's a good story. I would love to read the more polished version of this. It felt a bit auto-biographical, which makes it even more authentic. Definitely keep up with this. I feel like characters like these aren't published enough in the media today.
Posted 9 Years Ago
9 Years Ago
Thanks Miss Teri,
If sent me a message of your edits then I would be gladly be able to re-edi.. read moreThanks Miss Teri,
If sent me a message of your edits then I would be gladly be able to re-edit it...
What do you think I should change? And you really think this should be published?
That means the world to me!
9 Years Ago
It could be in a magazine if it were polished enough. There are several grammatical and spelling err.. read moreIt could be in a magazine if it were polished enough. There are several grammatical and spelling errors throughout as well as switching tense mid-sentence a few times. I also felt that the transition between being 7 years old to 12 years old and in love wasn't as clear and seemed a bit awkward/out of the blue.
9 Years Ago
Proofreading/editing your story is a bit hard to do on this site since there's no way can mark it wh.. read moreProofreading/editing your story is a bit hard to do on this site since there's no way can mark it where I want and give you notes and stuff. Sorry if I can't give you more specific details.
9 Years Ago
It is a true story so how would I change that awkwardness?
9 Years Ago
Perhaps you could add a part before the hospital scene about how you were developing a relationship .. read morePerhaps you could add a part before the hospital scene about how you were developing a relationship and romantic feelings for each other. If you clarify beforehand that you were falling in love then it wouldn't seem like it was randomly out of the blue.
wow!
just wow, this was so damn beautiful and literally it brought tears to my eyes..
she was the like the light in this moment, i absolutely loved it. T'was so sad when they both told each other that they loved each other, and then dang she died :'( like no no, so sad but also a beautiful story.
great job!!
-Amy
My name is C. Lee Battaglia and I love to read… I read so much that my Mom grounds me from reading and tells me to go do something else. I am 20 years old.
I hated reading when I was little .. more..