Broken Dreams

A dream far away I strive to reach,

Still on my knees, I crave for the sky.

But pulling me from behind are hands of despair,

Claws of the devil never let me fly.

I struggle, I fight, I try to escape

But in vain, no matter what I do.

And then you come to my aid,

Like an angel from above sent to my rescue.

You free me from the evil claws of despair,

And you lift my feet off the ground.

Hopes stir in my heart as I see your face,

For love I see, and new wings I found.

Together we fly, up above the clouds.

Its beautiful, the whole world seems so bright.

I have no pain, I have no fears,

'Cause you'd fight 'em away, you'd show me the light.

I'm so captivated by the sky of my dreams,

That I fail to realise the dangers below.

I'm so blinded by the light of your eyes,

That I fail to see the envy with which they glow.

It finally does dawn upon me,

A little too slow, a little too late.

I realise the doom I'm to fall into

As I see you smile at the games you've played.

And there! in one neat swift blow

You crush my wings with your beautiful hands.

I'm numb, but yes, I can feel

The distance decrease between me and the land.

I reach out my hand to your winged silhouette,

As I fall from the greatest of heights.

But I never see a hand come to my aid,

Nor a bit of empathy in your eyes.

And here I lie on the barren ground

with broken wings, with broken dreams.

Hope lost in the dark pool of blood

As the claws of despair linger above me...

Author's Note

Respected writers, i'm a 15 year old novice.... plsssss rate my immature work!! please do..

Reviews

[Paper-Pen-Princess]

Really good for 15! It sounds like it's really from the heart. Im 30, been writting poetry since 9-10 yrs old.
The only advice I can give you is to stay passionate about what you do, don't be afraid of not rhyming every ending line, and never think of poetry as "mere"
It's an amazing gift to share with the world!

[Maskedthoughts]

Wow that is just amazing you really created emotion. Well, well, done. Really bravo.

[Charu Charms]

Thank you so much!

[Just Kim]

I really like this alot,
I must say Wow this is so good and powerful,
Love it

[Charu Charms]

TY! :-)

[unsavable_soul]

How dare you call your work immature. At 15 you are more talented then most people can achieve in a life time. Yours is a naturals gift, for the love of all things don't down your work I plead of you to nurture it and grow. Few of us Oaks can stand in the shade of a Redwood like you.
One piece of constructive criticism though, this piece is pure veritas. However in my opinion you left your last line a bit lack luster. Your ending should be quite profound given the weight of the rest of your piece. But again I love this!
Chris

[Charu Charms]

Thankyou Chris! I'll keep that in mind next time I write..
thanx again!

[Harrisen Viator]

Oh wow. As I read this, I could feel the emotional roller coaster. I love how much emotion you put into this peom, it is very mature.

[Charu Charms]

Thankyou so much.. Keep reading, keep rating! Cuz ur reviews r very valuable... as nothing wil help me improve better than these.. thanx again..!