Lost

This is just a kind sad, confused, poem.

I'm so worried bout my future that I cant forget my past I'm ready to know what it feels like when they day were free at last
I let my mind lock my spirit down so finding hope seems like the hardest task What do you do when one day you bright future is looking dark grey
You try to run for success but your feet won't move they just stay
Is this when you get on your knee's and pray because you heard god will make a way Outta No way
Or is this when you take care of matters on your own. Because your tired of life and feeling all alone and all the answers you once had are wrong
You cried for help but is took to long. You cried for help but it took to long. Because when they answered you were gone

Author's Note

Please ignore grammar
Thanxs

Reviews

[Tim Allison]

I do agree with my fellow reviewers that you are in definite need of some structure in your piece. This would best be accomplished with some punctuation, and overall structure. I understand how it is when you get to writing and your fingers are flying over the keys. However, it is imperative that once you have finished that you come back and work on your piece by REWRITING. Writing is never complete, until you have rewritten, polished, spit shined, and gently formed your words into something beautiful and artistic. You are well on your way with what you have already done. Your thoughts are intriguing and lead the reader to embark on an introspective consideration of what you've said. However, they have to untangle what you've said in order to make sense of it. If you wish to be successful as a writer, even in only expressing yourself emotionally by written word to others, you need to take the next step. I have faith in you that you can do it and do it well. Keep up the good work. Take care of yourself, and as always, thanks for sharing with us. =o)

[ajasminewallflower]

This is one of those reads that really stand up on its own.It has so many messages in it too. I liked it alot.But your writing style was kind of confusing to read...but you called a lost, sad and confused poem...so I guess its justfied. Good job

[copperconan]

I kind of fall in there with aaron on this.. your off to a good start .. loosen up those fingers as they dance the jig on that ole key board of yours ..

copperconan

[Wolfwind Words]

I think the piece fits the title very well. It had a good rhyme to it as well, which was nice.
I think it might be a bit easier to read if the lines were not strung together, but a seperate line for each piece of the rhyme.

I kinda got the image of some lost in a crowd of people. calling out for help, directions, anything that might allow them to make there way safely to the side of the street and a safehaven. Yet it seemed as they stood their and the masses swirled around them. They felt as if they wern't noticed at all. Lost....

Good writing! :)
Aaron Maycroft