A pool of feelings

Charlotte admits her true feelings, to herself and writes a letter she will never send to Jason

Dear Jason,

Words cannot describe the feeling when you look into my eyes, how does my facial expression react, I often feel as though I looked scared, scared I may miss out or have missed out on the man that was made for me. I love every quirk about you, your deep pools of dark eyes, that cheeky smile, that connection when we lock eyes across a lab or a nightclub, I just fall into an endless pit of love for you. I love your shoulders, the way you sniffle in lectures and I can hear you are there, when you wear that Abercrombie blue crisp shirt and navy jeans. Hearing your voice makes my heart race. A message from you echoes the pinging of my heart. Being with you makes me feel alive.

I talk to you day after day, night after night. I have a boyfriend and you are also now taken  I cannot stop it, but then, neither can you. When will this end? When is the right time to tell you how I feel? I'm sorry but I didn't tell you before you asked out Courtney out because I was still in denial. I know I’m not the only one, who falls asleep at night thinking of you, unfortunately I am the one who should not be thinking of another. I can only imagine the chaos it would ensue were I to tell you. Perhaps I can never tell you. Perhaps I must accept this fate as I have created it. I didn’t break up with my boyfriend for you last year when we were freshmen. I can’t ask you to make yourself available for me once again.

What would it be like to sleep with you? To transition from being best friends to lifelong lovers. I’m scared of losing you. Petrified that we would ever break up, how could I live without talking to you every single day. What if we didn’t end up being lovers? What if it was all too awkward and we ruined what we have in friendship. On the other hand, should I allow myself to just be, and to be just with you. To show you what real love is, I want to feel true love. I want to kiss you every morning and make love under the moon. I want to hear your laugh every second of every day, I want the rush of the gentle brush of your mouth as you reach over to whisper in my ear.

I can’t help what I’m feeling, so why is it so hard to be honest with you? I heard you said that you loved me and you thought I secretly loved you too, but I never gave up my boyfriend and you didn’t want to be that guy in the middle. Look how the tables have turned, I’m in the same scenario, just a different point of view. I’m head over heels for you and I think you love me too, but you’ve got a brand new girlfriend. I’ve told Nate that it’s over that the year apart would just be too long, but I couldn’t mention my feelings for you. 

 

All my love,

Charlotte

Reviews

[barleygirl]

This piece feels like a collection of run-on sentences, skipping from one idea to another, not a smooth flow of expression. So I'm getting the picture of a scatterbrain type person, obsessed with this guy & not really capable of deciding what to do, stuck in an endless loop that leads nowhere. Some of the details you include are good for the reader, to help us know some background on this ill-advised crush, but it doesn't seem like the type of information someone would include in a love letter. The third paragraph starts with flat analytical statements of love-making fantasized . . . but then later in that paragraph, we start to see a more visual & detailed & sensory description of what the narrator is feeling about making love. If this is intended to be a persuasive message, I think more of the latter would be more seductive. All in all, it's good writing that leaves us wondering: what next?

[Yours Truly]

The feelings love brings can become so strong. it can make it hard to look past all of it and really think of what you should do when your in tough circumstances. You expressed this very well. Thank you for sharing Charlottejacobs. :)
-Yours Truly

[AYVID N]

I would invite him to dinner and just tuck this letter into his plate. If he his mine, he is destined to be with me. This writing is very realistic and expressive. A perfect way to begin something new and close to a heart.

[charlottejacobs]

Thank you Divya! I really appreciate any feedback I can get on my writing. I am glad you found this piece realistic and expressive, I hope to build on this story in the next few weeks.

[AYVID N]

I will enjoy following this story. Please keep up the good work.