The Counting Game

You asked me "What's wrong?"
I asked you to count with me
One
One day you just stopped coming around
Two
Two days have passed since my last meal and I'm still staring down the toilet hoping to empty whatever is left of me
Three
Three words repeated over and over I love you I love you I love you I love you
Four
4:00 a.m. showers letting the bathtub flow over hoping to drown the girl I hate because that's the girl I have become
Five
Five bottles down moving onto number
Six
Six daisies making a chain around my neck like a noose holding the measurement hoping that I'll at least be pretty when I die
Seven
Seven days every week I didn't want to get out of bed because how could I try and stand on solid ground when I'm sinking and everyone else around me is flying like
Eight smoke rings escaping my lips as I wish that maybe my last breath will float up with it
Nine
Nine hours I should be sleeping but instead I stare at that pill bottle did you know that
Ten out of Ten doctors will prescribe you with pills if you're even the slightest bit imbalanced in the brain
Nine
Nine years of prescriptions piling up ignored in fear of becoming a monster like the one they're trying to create
Eight
Eight cancer sticks at the bottom of my bag because addiction is addiction because it hurts the same
Seven
Seven minutes I count over and over did you know that's how long it takes to die by hanging I know because of
Six words you said
Five years ago "Why don't you just go kill yourself"
Four attempts in one month why can't I just die
Three
Three hours spent sobbing on the bathroom floor with
Two bullets in
One gun shot bang!
Zero
Zero chances left