faith

faith

A Poem by charleybear

If i was to jump would i make a leap of faith?

If i was a bird would i just fly away?

If the world was hollow would i feel any different now?

If she had succeeded would i be here?

If there is a plan why can i not stick to it?

If i repeatedly  screw up will you all walk away?

when can i pat myself on the back and say

you know what, i actually did ok?

 

© 2009 charleybear


My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Reviews

I loved it. It speaks the truth and you wrote it from the heart. Way to nail it on the head.

Posted 15 Years Ago


Fantastic content though some aspects of the deliverance is lacking. Mostly I think the errors in punctuation, capitalization, etc. need to be fixed and that will help the poem to be more easily read. The words flow well, except for one passage that is a bit muddled for me. When you say "didn't feel so hollow" in line 3, I can't be sure if you are trying to say that the world isn't hollow but you in particular feel that it is, in which case i would use "didn't seem so hollow", or that it actually is hollow, in which case I would use "wasn't so hollow" instead. The other thing was that on line 6 (If I repeatedly screw up, would you walk away), one of two things needs to change. Either "screw" must change to "screwed" or "would" must change to "will", so that the grammatical aspects of his passage will all be nice and neat and tidy. Other than those few small things, it's a marvelous piece of work. Keep writing!

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 15 Years Ago


wonderful image of how some of us fall off the wagon, make mistakes and refuse to let them go.
i loved this truth.


This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 15 Years Ago



Share This
Email
Facebook
Twitter
Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

176 Views
3 Reviews
Rating
Added on February 1, 2009
Last Updated on February 16, 2009
Previous Versions

Author

charleybear
charleybear

London, United Kingdom



About
Hi My name is Charley. I am a 20 year old lesbian working at Nationwide building society. I've been writing since i was 11. I know I'm not brilliant but i write for my own enjoyment and sanity. Al.. more..

Writing
How How

A Poem by charleybear



Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..