First Flush

A boy's first feelings

What do I remember? I was twelve and felt a warm flush that began at my neck and then onto my face. Until that day I’d get that flush when caught doing something wrong or saying something I shouldn’t have said. Not often, but it did happen.

 

I was in the school yard and standing against the building when it happened. I often stand there to have a full view of the sky to watch clouds and image shapes of things. In the distance, beyond the chain link fence, was nothing but woods with huge trees. I enjoyed watching leaves gently swaying back and forth. The wind had to come from the left side of the school ground to sway the leaves.

 

I wasn’t much of talker. Well. Freddy and I talked a lot, but then we were best friends since first grade.

Sometimes, I’d watch Margaret. She had red hair, a ton of freckles, and two inches taller than me. I’d follower her as she walked and from the distance between us she couldn’t tell I was watching her. On that day her hair was free flowing just below her neck. It bounced up and down as she walked. She was wearing blue. There were lots of girls better looking, but none had flaming red hair and all those freckles.

Freddy knew I watched Margaret and swore to never tell anyone. What he didn’t understand was why I never talked to her. We were in different class but we were in Band. Frankly, I didn’t know why other than I seldom talked to anyone.

 

I stopped looking at Margaret and was daydreaming while watching slowly drifting clouds. I suddenly had this feeling someone was standing beside me, figured it was Freddy, and I ignored him.

 

I heard my name spoken as softly as I had ever heard. It was musical and yet magical. For a second I thought I imagined it and then heard it again.

I turned and there was Margaret. I had never been that close to her. She was smiling the most beautiful smile and then it happened. Heat rushed up my neck and onto my face.

 

I don’t remember what was said between us as we leaned against the school building and talked. All I remember is her soft, sweet voice and that flush feeling.

 

That’s what I remember - my first feelings of love.