Jordan Grey

Two brothers tear their friend's life apart. This is a story on how bad people can bring down the best people. those people are your friends most of the time. This is the story of Jordan Grey.

"Momma!", "What Boy!" she yelled from the doorway. "I need to borrow fifty dollars so I can hit the mall with Kev & Ace." She ain't like that at all, I can tell by the hands on her hips, and that vain in her forehead that throbs with every beat of her heart. "I told you I don't like you hangin' with them boys.. she stared real hard into my eyes and said, "They ain't nothing but trouble." This ain't the first time she's said that, but I guess she has a good reason since Kev & Ace both got sent away for robbing Pop's Mart when we we're 10, and 6 years later I'm still gettin' an ear beaten over it.

 

"Come on momma, I'm gonna pay you back in a couple days, Pop's got a job for me. I seen a smile form on her face and she said, " And don't ask for s**t else!" I couldn't help it, I burst into laughter and tears. She tucked the money in my shirt pocket and gave me a hug that was so full of love, a love that only a mother can express towards her child. "I love you momma", and with that said I pulled away and headed out the backyard and onto the avenue. "They aint't nothing but trouble Jordan." Those words played in my head as I headed down to the bus stop to meet up with my homies. I thought about turning back and going home, just so I could feel that loving embrace one more time. But just as that thought became a distance memory, here comes Kev & Ace  boxing each other and walking up the street to meet me at the same time.

 

 "Dumbasses." Kev & Ace are half brothers, same mom different dad, you get the story. Well, I kind of feel like they were dealt a bad hand in life from the very beginning. Mom on drugs, neither dad even tried to make an effort to help these kids. Hell they basically had to raise themselves, but whatever the case is they were my brothers now. "Yo wassup n***a!? Did you get that money from ya moms, you know we got you." Typical Kev & Ace, they always wanna do something but never got any money, but they always got me, right... " Ya bro I got a couple dollars for yall, but when you gonna start paying me back, I gave yall mad money." I guess they thought I was joking because they switched the subject at moments notice.

 

 Ace burst out, "Hey Jordan, I heard you talking to that white girl from math class, um, Katie! Is she comin to the mall? If so tell her to bring two friends for us." See that's the thing about Waco, Texas. Everybody knows everybody, & everybody is in everybody's business. "You n****s need to mind your own business sometimes, and she ain't got no friends for yall ugly a*s n****s, Ha!" Kev took that to heart, "Damn is it like that?! Whatever man, bet if I had a car I'd have all the girls bro." These dudes always got an answer for anything,  doesn't matter if their dead wrong.

 

Ace was sitting at the bench by the bus stop just listening to our conversation while tearing into his fingernails. "Yo Jordan, how is Katie getting to the mall?" I should of asked why but my mind was occupied on Katie's bright green eyes, & her long red hair that she wore in a ponytail slightly higher than any other girl would do." Her brother Leon from your gym class is dropping her off, her dad got him a car." I must've been daydreaming for a while because we were pulling into the mall parking lot now. We got off the bus and headed towards the main entrance. " Damn yall, Katie is about to be here and I gotta piss bad as hell." Kev lit up, " Go head bro, when she get here will have her wait here for you." It took me forever to find the bathroom good thing I only had to pee. I knew she had to be here by now so I started to powerwalk through the mall. I got to the entrance and saw Leon's car with Katie in the passenger's seat. Kev and Ace were in the back seat. " Get in n***a." So I get in thinking we were about to smoke a joint or something.

 

 

 

Tears were running down Katie's face, & Leon was sweating bullets. I guess that's a good reaction when two crazy brothers have pistols to your back. I didn't say anything at first. "Jordan, just tell him to give us the keys and we're out." Leon turned around red faced and pissed off, "Just get the f**k out of my car!" Kev cocked back & swung at Leon's head with the gun. A loud BANG! A flash of light and fire. Leon's head was limp against the driver's door window, blood gushing out of the new hole in his head. Katie was  bombarded by blood splatter and she was too much in shock to scream or cry. All I could do was sit there, no words forged in my head to say. Ace jumped into the front seat pushing Leon out the door. I could hear the police sirens just as Ace turned out of the mall parking lot. 

 

He turned back towards Kev and I, both of them laughing hysterically. Katie must have hit her breaking point, because as Ace was so busy laughing she took a hold of the wheel and turned us directly into the guard rail. Everything was black for a while and as I came to, I was lying on the asphalt and I could see Katie upside down still in her seat but there was no movement... Her neck was broken, she was dead now too. A helicopter hovered above us as I finally made it to my feet. " PUT THE GUNS DOWN NOW!" I put my hands on my head and looked up towards that bright light and back towards the army of cops and their guns aiming straight at me. "Them boys ain't nothing but trouble." Those words played in my head, Momma was right. I wish I could have just one more of those hugs...

 

 "F**k It!" Kev & Ace decided that they had enough of this joy ride called life. They raised their pistols, and a symphony of gun fire rang out, nobody missed a note. I looked at my chest and saw two holes, my legs became weak and my body cold. I dropped to my knees, my vision slowly being taken away. I heard my heart beat getting slower, I was gone. "I told him about them boys! They wasn't nothing but trouble, and now they took my baby away from me!" I hugged my momma they way she hugged me the last time I felt her embrace. " Im sorry momma and I love you, I'll always be around." She kissed a picture of me and said, "I love you too baby." I smiled as a tear rested on my chin. " I have to go now."      

Author's Note

1st Story. Reviews Encouraged

Reviews

[Madeline]

Wow, this was pretty good. The style of writing is nice, conversational and flows well in my mind. I didn't expect the sudden violence that came in the middle, good job, it was sad! I liked the relationship you spelled out between the character and his mom, it created sweet moments in the story. Only a little grammatical errors, like "vain" should be "vein", and there are some areas where you missed quotation marks at the end. But other than that, it was good, I enjoyed it.

[charles_duane]

After reading over it I do see those mistakes, thanks for pointing that out, I'll have to edit that. otherwise im glad you enjoyed it and I hope you felt it. I appreciate you taking the time out.

[Will Neill]

I'm a great fan of reading new stories on the chance I might find a talent in them, while your story is still quite raw I did enjoy your style. I think a reread by yourself could help you tone your narrative better and show you any mistakes you may not be happy with. Since it is quite short discription is minimal but that's o.k , try and keep in the right time frame otherwise it can confuse the reader. Otherwise well done Charles.
Will

[charles_duane]

Thank you man, great advice that I will utilize. I appreciate you.

[realmwriter]

Wow dude. This started out like any other day in any hood in America. It tells the story of a couple of friends gonna hang at the Mall, have a good time. Smoke a little herb, maybe git the girl over to they place. Have a different good time. Who knows? But then it starts getting ruff, It changes from havin fun to a real bad day, real quick. Momma told ya. Ya didn't listen. Now you gone, yo friends gone, you girl gone and you mommas world turned upside and shaking till she breaks. You penned a damn good story here and near the end I started to cry a little. I actually felt sympathy for Jordan. I felt sympathy for his girl and the Kev and Ace too. Nicely done man. And I don't usually read short stories. Glad I read this one though.

[charles_duane]

Wow man, thank you for that, your review on my story is perfect. Im glad you read this one as well. Greatly appreciated

[realmwriter]

You are very welcome. Thank you for writing it.