Devil's Puppets

An idea for a story I was working on for a while before the big block came. :(

6:25 a.m. Tuesday March 16

New York City, NY

 

            The sun’s first rays had graced the sky, making its way through the nooks and crannys of the New York City streets, there she sat alone and still in the darkness of her own apartment. A young woman sat alone and naked thinking to herself about how loud the sound of silence actually was whenever people would stop to listen, and how she’d never get a moments piece in a s**t-hole existence such as hers. She shook her head violently as her blonde matted hair flailed in every direction. 

            “The voices… the voices… won’t ever. Shut the f**k up!” she whispered to herself as though talking to someone in a distant corner, her voice harsh with misuse. “Shut up! God damn it! Shut up! Just stop... t-t-talking for just one god damned minute! I-I-I want peace. I want peace. So sh- sh- shut up…”she screamed as she got to her feet from the floor and began to pace back and forth in front of the window, which was just beginning to receive a few precious rays of sun.

She scratched her head as she continued to pace and then stopped dead and pointed towards the corner of her apartment where the darkness seemed to gather the most. “You shut up! I d-d-don’t want to listen to you! You’re cold and d-d-dark.” She then turned her back to that particular corner and faced the window where she saw the first sign of the sun gracing the window sill. She outstretched her arm and placed her index finger into the light. “W-w-warm sun…” she then opened the window and let the cold New York air rush into the room. She then looked back towards the corner as the sunlight began to spread throughout her apartment slowly, yet the corner never received any light. “I don’t want to hear your promises anymore…” and with that she dove out the window, her arms outstretched into the light.

 

Reviews

[Nephil]

Whoa... Unusual how similar this is to the idea I had in Mina, the story you just reviewed...

First off, I want to see more of her. All I know is that she is naked and blonde. Is she emaciated? Built healthily? A character's appearance really matters, at least to me.

And I see that this is just a prologue, and I must assume that the "big block" is a writer's block, or some other sort of break. So of course more is necessary... I could see this going back in time to reveal her back story and all.

Well, good write.

-Tilon "Nephil" Ven'daru

[Xanthar]

This is a great piece. It explores a crevice in the human condition that is deep and meaningful. I love when a read touches on the darker side of reality. Beautifully done. I will check out more of your stuff soon. Keep ME posted.
X

[Daniel D.]

I've always enjoyed stories that explore the darker half of the human psyche. That said, I believe there are the beginnings of something truly profound here. You mentioned hitting a "block." Maybe some back story? Explain why she is so plagued and why her nerves are so frayed? It would give the ending that much more oompf. The idea is there, it just needs some fleshing out to truly shine.