Facade

I brought you here to show you this,
and now you have gone.
I prayed to God I would make the list,
but I have been diluted for so long.

My hands wield so much power,
but my words lack validation.
To many tricks for such an old dog...
to much hype not enough sensation.

I have been building up, and saving chips...
but I have not one good point to make.
In these words that stick and clog my throat,
and a heart that begs to break.

Could I be an even greater gift?
Can I hide my weathered skin?
Can I show you only the best parts of me,
and we can just ignore my mortal sin?

I want to be so much more...
I want to break down every wall.
I want to prove to myself and everyone else,
that never cared at all.

Someone has to see the girl...
the one behind the wreck.
She is caught up in the storm,
and you have not saved her yet.

She is screaming, cursing, and crying!
Behind this facade I hide...
She is searching, reeling, and trying,
but behind this facade I die.

Reviews

[Yours Truly]

I think this is one of my favorite poems I have read on here. I love your rhyme scheme and the vocabulary you use to portray how you feel in the poem, what a great write you have written. Such deep emotions.. enjoyed reading this one very much. :) I do have one suggestion, in the last line I think putting "but behind this facade 'I'll die" would make it even better, but just a suggestion. :) what a perfect ending for the piece though -
"She is screaming, cursing, and crying!
Behind this facade I hide...
She is searching, reeling, and trying,
but behind this facade I die."
Thank you for sharing.
-Yours Truly

[Franklin McKinley]

You have became a drug I can not put down, I truly love every word you write. You dip your pen into grapes and when you write, the wine flows across your paper.

[Lyn Anderson]

This is so passionate, and painful, and I feel so connected to the emotions of the speaker, for they could be my own. One question, while I understand the feeling of being diluted as opposed to deluded, it seems in this case, diluted sits by itself without an additional line to describe the dilution -- does that make sense?

[Jessica Lynn Polley]

I do not quite understand because I tried to portray the state of dilution in the next two stanzas as simply being so spread thin that you are less. For example words lacking validation, lack of sensation, and when it if finally your turn to speak having no point to make...I mean diluted in the only way a person can be which is not a literal sense of the word just a good way to sum up this general state of being. Does that help?

[Lyn Anderson]

Yes, I do understand, perhaps a tweaking of the structure without altering the words?

[Jessica Lynn Polley]

I am not entirely sure how I would go about doing that any ideas?

[Malister Mikey]

I love the message in this poem.

[Jessica Lynn Polley]

Thank you so much I am glad that it speaks to you. :)

[yuki]

very nicely done I really enjoyed this :)

[Jamie R. Robillard Sr.]

Jessica, this is a powerful piece, and it sincerely moved me.

My view on art is that it is when we can reach out and pull a part of ourselves from our audiences core. Where mere music, songs, paintings, novels, stories, and poems can convey to us a different perspective.
This reaches into our heart and pulls out a piece of you. This so completely transfers your emotions and reasoning from you to us that we can not fail to see for but a moment of time through your eyes.

This is not just merely a good poem, this is great art. This is the kind of work I strive to create.

Well Done.

[Jessica Lynn Polley]

Thank you so much uncle you have no idea what this means to me :)

[Zakari Schmidt]

Really enjoyed the rhyme scheme and subject matter of this dark piece. Lift the veil from your eyes :) facades fade but this won't!

[Jessica Lynn Polley]

Thank you so much I am glad you liked it. :)