Life of Raven Black (March 20, 2008)

March 20, 2008

Today we started out the day having breakfast separately. Well kind of. Jane and Jeremy went missing so I had breakfast with Nex and Brian. It was nice, but severely awkward for me. Being the third wheel is no fun. In fact I hated it so much I excused my self from the table to write to you, Diary.

I am slightly depressed being the only one here not exposed to physical attraction. You know, kissing, hugging, cuddling, the things that the staff will allow. Being exposed to it every minute makes this place hell. I know what I am saying is illogical but it is truly torture. Torture to know that I have someone that I love and that I can’t have him. It is truly torture to go this long without having him near me. I don’t think I would even care if we were dating. I just want to be near him and love him.

Matt hasn’t made a choice to contact me since the whole hospital thing. Since he found out I was “taken”. I wonder if that is the reason he has not contacted me. I wonder if he feels I do not love him. I have and always will love him. I realize now writing this that it sounds crazy knowing him as I do. But I feel as if I have known him in not just one but several lives, almost like we are soul mates. Sounds crazy right, Diary? I know but this is truly how I feel and the only one that would understand is you. You being me that is. Ha! I am such a psycho.