Diagonal Cut

In remembrance ...

We built it slowly, one sandwich

at a time

on the countertop

while we laughed and ate

and joked.

The tiny body we 

lay awoke for

on sleepless nights,

the tiny hands

we held -

...one each

she's bigger now

five days at yours

two at mine.

Now I have a roommate

in the spare room

where you kept your stuff

stored in places.

He gave me a box today

he had found

tucked under the bed.

And as I look inside...

the photos, waiting

for your scrapbook

(with dates on the backs)

I can't quite figure out

how to cut these 

to rip you out

your face, your body

your hand on my shoulder

maybe I'll try

a diagonal cut?

Author's Note

Does this need to be polished up?

Reviews

[Enigma]

A touching write. Beautiful in its simplicity. I don't think it needs any "polishing up" as such. Loved it just the way it was. :)

[MuSe Ampoule]

Nice...relationships may fail but life goes on. All we have to do is decide how.

[Alvin L. Kathembe]

oh my God, this is awesome!! maybe you might need to clear up
"
The tiny body we
lay awoke for
on sleepless nights,
the tiny hands
we held -
...one each"

and

"she's bigger now
five days at yours
two at mine."

i didnt quite understand those lines, or maybe its just me being dense...
but this really was an outstanding poem, the sandwich in the first stanza, the photo in the last -
A diagonal cut.
Brilliant!

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

wildly painful in its beautiful crush~ oh how stunning is the threadbare heart stitching itself back together~what a gripping composite of integral metaphors~ !

[OT]

I concur - no! do not touch it - it is raw in its message and emotions, the way it is written lends to so many thoughts - the longing, the sadness - you zoom in on the little things - the sandwiches and jokes - the things that make a whole - nice!!

[Kerry O'Connor]

All the little things in this poem, the sandwich, the sleepless nights, the photos, make the scene so real and the emotions all the more palpable.

[howlfjdks]

That's real

[Lilly Negoi]

no for polishing. i don't think i ever read a more moving poem about a broken relationship...i still have a lump in my throat. and it's not about expressions, it's simply about emotions and the way it conveys so many things that were and are no more. you may try the diagonal cut, but somehow this poem makes me think that not even the most elaborate cut in the world would manage to remove the imagery from the mind...

[Robin]

oh those memories we wish we could simply forget , to make that 'clean' cut ~ nicely done ..

[.]

NO it does not..it is powerful stuff..your narrative is superb..I am in awe of this work..it's so subtle but their is a powerful emotional punch being served here..