Leaving Behind

Narrative Poetry

I left you in your room, a little cot

desk lamp beside, some stuff on the floor

a roommate with a smile, you smiled back.

I sniffed the air, did it stink of smoke?

The whitewash peeled in corners, as you lay

on single sheets, on your bed, with a book.

I hang around, rattling here and there

I check your bed, your suitcase and your chair.

Voices float, there's a party next door -

you want to go, if I were gone, I know.

You look at me, pleading eyes: 'dad please'

it's time to leave, with uncertain ease.

I take a step, glance back, you look at me

'what now?' I hear the silent voice

I check your phone, the battery, the charger hooked

'call me', I say the fourteenth time.

I know you will, and so I kiss goodbye

my treasure left, in a little room, I sigh.

The wind is cold outside, I drive with windows down

But I am colder, I left my heart behind.

Little hands and feet, from videos distant past

your arms around my neck, laughs and cries melting fast.

You will not see today, the trembling of my hand

An empty world, an empty man, driving on and beyond.

Author's Note

Experimenting with narrative poetry: imagine a parent leaving behind a college going kid in the dorm for the first time, and returning home to an empty nest.

Let me know what you think.

Reviews

[MuSe Ampoule]

Greatly expressed. A truly enjoyable piece especially from a parent's perspective. Wonderful work!

[Alice]

This is beautiful.

[.]

. magically poignant and moving ... very vivid ... beautifully written ... and the last stanza especially is to die for ... and that last line ... "an empty world, an empty man, driving on and beyond" is profoundly poetic and sheer genius ...

[HopelesslyDevoted]

very interesting description on a very interesting subjest. again i am taken back by the uniqueness of your poetry and your style. really cool!

[Inkcognito]

Beautifully compiled. It is hard to let go sometimes, but they have to fly, leave the nest, find their own way. You managed to portray the 'empty' feelings of a parent standing in the 'deserted' room, reliving memories of years gone by too soon, perfectly...great job!

[.]

really well constructed, you didn't state the obvious but let the poem tell the story..I must confess that when I took my daughter to Uni for the first time..I didn't feel this tug..I was delighted for her and for me...!!! Peace! LOL..great work

[Dani]

I'd say you did pretty darn well. This is a heartbreaking piece.. I felt it, even without the experience. That takes the skill of a writer to accomplish. Great write.

[Robin]

great imagination in very human terms .

[Lilly Negoi]

this literally broke my heart, in a good sense. it's a PERFECT description of feelings - i mean i read this out-loud and i had a lump in my throat at the end of it and goosebumps all over :). i know it's such a cliche, but we don't realize how time flies until they're grown and leaving the nest :). and no matter their age, they still remain our children, until we die :). this goes in my list :).

[Kerry O'Connor]

I think I'm going to know what this feels like from the inside all too soon.