Waiting for You

It's all about waiting.

There was coldness inside

sinking

crushing me like

dried leaves -

I once saw a marble girl

with sunken cheeks

and drooping eyes

sunlight dancing off her face.

As I said goodbye

she smiled back.

Been around for too long

like her.

Sitting alone 

in the puddle.

People passing by.

Would we watch the sunset

together sometime?

Breathe the twilight air?

As rustling winds make merry sounds

would we look

and stare in awe?

Would I dream forever -

that you would be

and I would stay?

...Sunken cheeks

...drooping eyes

waiting,

waiting,

waiting forever.

Reviews

[Dani]

Wow... what a beautiful display of words. Your poem sets the scene perfectly - it plays like a clip in my head. I especially like the first stanza: "There was a coldness inside, crushing me like dried leaves." It makes me think of the merciless winter, rushing over the land and taking autumn with it. It's a cold feeling. Fantastic write.

[Lydia Blackwell]

I love the feel of this poem. it says a lot with out saying a lot. I do think it deserves a better word than droopy, though. that is the only thing that stuck out for me in an otherwise lovely, heartfelt write.

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

like a dark pearl of a fairy tale slipping from the gem into the ink of this mesmerizing three dimensional poetic that moves with fluid beauty~

[.]

there is something enchanting about this, like there is a story waiting to be told, I like the ambiguity..interesting work ...well structured..

[Laha]

You definitely made this poem feel cold..."coldness" "marble" "puddle" "twilight"..you even made dried leaves sound cold. But when you make the sunlight dance off her face, the reader can feel the "warm" affection you have for her. That's pretty clever. Since you mentioned "leaves" twice im guessing they are symbolic. If not, maybe you could make something else rustle. ....i always enjoy your writing :)
~L

[Inkcognito]

Sometimes we spend our time wondering, waiting, yearning, longing, hoping for something that may or may never be. This feeling resonates with me and I know the cold and empty ache that comes with the uncertainty of not knowing....
A very beautiful, touching write - well done!

[.]

. ohhhh ... this is just so beautiful ... the images are enchanting and poignant ... and the sadness is almost palpable ... ravishing poetry ...