12:51

I have this certain habit of waiting for 12:51 am, thinking about you and me. I couldn’t say “us” because I know deep inside me, there’s no such thing as, you know, “us.” As what you have said, it was just a plain illusion. But for me, it was a perfect illusion, waiting to be turned into a reality.

But no, “us” is still an illusion.

12 days of being together and you swept me off of my feet. Too bad that the summer class is just for 12 days. How pathetic. You said you love me. I didn’t reply since I was still processing things inside my head. But that doesn’t mean that I hate you. My heart ached and longed for you. I waited for your return and you did. You came back, but with another girl.

I knew I needed closure, so I came to talk to you.

 

You opened the door and welcomed me with open arms. We were wrapped in each other’s warmth. Then suddenly, I heard you cleared your throat.

So it was just another illusion of mine.

“What are you doing here?”

“I came here to talk to you.”

“And why do you want to talk to me? As far as I could remember, I said I love you but-“

“I needed closure.” I interrupted your talking

“Closure? Don’t you think I was the one who needed that and not you?”

“Well excuse me mister. You said you love me and I didn’t reply. That doesn’t mean I hated you. My mind was preoccupied. You were walking away when I said that I love you too. I don’t even know if you really love me or you just love the idea of falling in love. I was there, standing in the rain, while you were walking away. I waited for your return, hoping that you’ll do something. I thought you’ll fight for me, but I guess I was wrong. You came back with another girl, now tell me, do you even deserve this thing called closure when I can clearly see that you’re in love with someone else? I’m the one in need for this stupid closure. So I could stop hoping that you’ll come back to me. So I could tell my poor heart that you’re really in love with someone else, that’s definitely not me.” I replied

“I loved you. Loved. Past tense.” You said coldly

“Well, I guess, I should tell my heart that if I’m going to fall for someone, he shouldn’t be like you. But hey, thank you for loving me, even if it’s temporary.”

“Goodbye.”

I hated goodbyes, but yours will always be my favorite. You were as cold as December breeze. As what you have said before, those were my illusions. How I find it funny when I heard that your girl broke up with you. The 12 days of “love” we had, ended within 51 seconds. That’s why I wait for 12:51. In this world full of 11:11.

Maybe next time, I’ll wait for 00:00. A new day. A new beginning. A time to love again.

The clock strikes at 12:51. I reached out for my phone and there I saw our picture. We looked genuinely happy. How I hate the fact that you were the person that made me happy but at the same time, you were the one who broke me.

Maybe I should stop. Maybe I should find my way out of this illusion,

This perfect illusion called us.