Blue Kramer

Sorry

She was being argumentative. The entire drive she complained about how I brought the wrong granola bars, and even after I insisted that she should just eat them, there is nothing wrong with these granola bars, she proceeded to cry and wine. After a while she calmed down and eventually forgot about the whole episode.

I got a call from Jazz, and when I saw her name appear in the synthetic light, I rolled down the window and tossed the phone out onto the wet, black concrete. 

"Daddy, who was that?” she asked.

 The raw look of innocence weaved into Janet's face was enough for me to puke on the steering wheel. But I didn't. I vomited something else.        

“It was your -- mother, .” 

 “Oh.” 

 At a gas station I parked and got out and told Janet to lock the doors. She nodded politely and I walked in and paid for thirty dollars of gas. A*s was painted all over the interior of the convenient store and it bled out onto the outside on the windows in skimpy euphemisms inscribed in fluorescence. Magazines, DVD's, books, toys (?), and also they sold ginger ale.

I bought some of the ginger ale for Janet. 

 After squirting thirty bucks of Arabian gravy into my cars gashole, I tapped on the window and Janet laughed when she did not unlock the f*****g door. 

"Okay, Janet, come on., open the door," 

"Nope." 

"Janet." 

"Whats the password, Daddy?" 

"It's screw you, you little s**t." 

"Nope." 

"JANET!" 

"Okay!" 

After the reluctant click I opened the door and started the car and grabbed Janet like I was going to hurt her, but instead I pianoed my fingers around her body in lithe tickles and she laughed loudly as I said, " you little s**t, you little s**t . . . " 

We drove on. Soon Janet asked, "Daddy, I have a question."

 "Yes?" 

 "Why did that store where we got gas said that they sold dirty books? Why would they sell dirty books? Why don't they sell clean books?" 

 "Uhmm, well, Janet, uhmm -- some people like dirty books." 

 "But why? Who wants to read books with like dirt and boogers and pee and poop on it?" 

 "I don't know, kid, there's some weird people out there." 

"Oh." 

 The road curled down the great mountain, thick with pine and redwood and everything alive with sprouting green colors. A sign materialized behind the prism of fog that hung over the road, and Janet pointed and tried to read it. 

“Buh, bluh, boo, blue, k --" 

“It says Blue Kramer, honey.” 

“Blue Kramer?” 

“That's right. This is where we are going to live for a while. Out in the forest. How does that sound, Janet?” 

  “Does Santa live up here?” 

“I think Santa lives in the next town.” 

“I want to go to the other town!” 

“No, this place is better, honey, I think Santa might drive through here a few times.” 

  “I want to live where Santa lives!” 

 “Janet.” 

 “Daddy!”

 I pulled over to the side of the road and looked at her in the rear view mirror.

"Janet, listen, Santa doesn't live up here. He lives up in Alaska, and we are in Blue Kramer right now." 

 "SANTA!" 

 "Janet, Satan is not real, I mean, Santa is not real!" 

 "Not real?" 

 "Santa is not a real person. He might have lived a long time ago, and he might have given kids presents, but he doesn't anymore, because he does not exist anymore, hes just dirt right now, decomposing into mud, and poop and pee, and all those times you got scared when I told you Santa was coming into the house to put presents under the tree, well you got scared for nothing, because that was just me putting presents under the tree -- it was me, and, and -- I am Santa Clause." 

 "You're Santa Clause, Daddy?" 

 "I am Santa." 

 She was quiet for a long time after that, and I felt her eyes watch me in wonder as I drove the car. 

 The house was on the lake, and after twenty five minutes of sifting through the elder trees and the deer, we pulled into the driveway. Janet was the first one out of the car, and she inspected the surroundings thoroughly. 

 “Daddy, I found a girls underwear.” 

 She held it up to my face and I recognized the red lace. I took it out of her hands and dropped it. 

 “Janet, don't pick that up! That's dirty! A girl might have peed in that.” 

 “Or pooped.” She irked out those words and giggled. “Or she pooped, daddy.” 

 “Okay, Janet, okay, enough, come help me with the bags.” 

 “Okay, Daddy.” 

 Once everything was unpacked and Janet had settled her things into her room, we walked around the back of the house. The sky was swelling with black clouds, and the electricity in the air around us tickled our ears like television static. The thunder roared and Janet screamed in delight. 

 “Daddy, look a boat!” Her little white worm of a finger pointed down the rotted deck. I looked at the small row boat tied around the old wood of the deck and the cloud above us seemed to grow ominously. Janet's face burned with excitement, and she ran down the deck. 

 “God d****t, Janet! Get back here!” 

 She screamed until she got to the end of the small pier and jumped into the boat. My heart swelled in trepidation and my lungs filled up my throat, imagining her being swallowed by the black waters. I ran after her and the deck shook with my heavy weight. 

 "Daddy, lets go for a ride!"

 I balanced myself at the end of the deck and leaned down to look at her, and my face filled with hot blood and I felt the veins swell out in intensity, and I said, "Janet, get out of that boat right now!"

 "Daddy! Get in, lets go for a ride!" 

 "Janet its not safe!" 

 "DADDY!" Her scream raped my ears and I gave in. 

 "OKAY, S**T, LETS GO." I stepped into the boat and sat next to her. 

 "Whats this place called, Daddy?" 

 "It's called Blue Kramer. We already established that." 

 "Blue Kramer. Hmmmm." 

 "They say its named after the moon and how it shines on the lake, the entire lake turns blue, like a crystal..."

 "Like a flower blooming." 

 I laughed. "Sure, kid. Like a flower." 

 Only for five minutes would we sit in the boat, but the five minutes were swallowed by the black water, and we ended out in the middle of the lake. The wind was blowing in violent heaps of waves and Janet was still screaming, as happy as could be. 

 "Okay, Janet, sit down. We need to get back to the house." 

 "No, Daddy! This is so much fun!" 

 The clouds commenced to relieve their entire stock, and monochrome droplets of rain splattered upon the surface of Blue Kramer. I grabbed the mounted ours and manually rowed back to the shore. 

When we got to the house the rain increased and the thunder settled right above the house.

Yeah I'm just gonna stop writing right here. Ill finish it later.

Author's Note

Yeah, if you got this far, nice. Thanks for reading. No really, I appreciate it. Really. Wanna have some chicken? I got some in my fridge..." ---thomas wolfe