A Brief Memoir (Undisclosed)

(Undisclosed)

There may be a chance that I am not lying when I say this, but then again when do I not lie? I have found myself doing things, immoral and inhumane, and I will try to come forth and be honest, confess what I have done in the past year of my life and the recent anticlimax that has concluded my relationship with humans. Me being a human, I sometimes find it hard to live with myself, knowing that many of my species have neglected each other and violated and mutilated each other. Rape and murder and theft and ridicule. Things people are programmed to do naturally. Things that I got tired of hearing about and things I wanted to go away. But they never go away. I ended up committing all of these acts. And then they put the SES chip in my head.

There was never any truth being traded among the men on the boat. They were Scarlett Jordan's clan. They were advocates of Der Fuehrer. But once they knew they were going to die that was when the truth surfaced. Screams of terror, screams of surreal panic. Things I tried not to hear but somehow managed to listen to. I had them all tied up, and I had killed the captain and sailed the boat into the side of a Saudi Arabian cliff side. That's when the truth spilled out of all the traitors. They were sorry, God have mercy on their soul, they begged me not to kill them. You've killed millions, I said, It's my turn to have some fun. 

Another day I'm back in my home Hartford. I'm lying to my wife Lilly about where I've been the past hour. Obviously I am not going to tell her I've been down the street at Scarlett Jordan's apartment f*****g her and her roommate. I lie and tell her I was at the library researching the expected population growth in the next ten years. I tell her how powerless I feel about the minority growth, there's nothing I can do about it. I just have to sit back and watch them take over. My wife considers Scarlett Jordan a dangerous minority because she doesn't have an SES chip programmed into her brain. I lie and say I agree.

Tomorrow me and Lilly are going to her brothers cabin in Victoria, British Columbia. I don't actually want to go and would rather stay home and suck on a beer and watch old SES memories but what else do I have to do? We leave the house and drive to the airport and get on the plane and soon we're in Montreal. Lilly's brother Kevin is an a*****e and a bore even when I'm drunk but what else do I have to do?

After I crash the boat into the cliff-side I pour gasoline in the hallways and in rooms and in the cabin and out on the decks. I light a brave match and drop it and jump off the boat and swim to shore. In minutes the whole boat is consumed with flames and I think I smell the odor of cooking flesh but I lie to myself and say its a barbeque. The sand is irritating and I piss in the sea. I hitchhike up to the airport and fly back home. My business is done.

Scarlett Jordan really likes my drawings and sometimes I'll have her take off her clothes and lay in the grass and I'll draw her. Sometimes she reformed from me doing so at such ridiculous hours of the night, but I insisted, dignified by the efforts of my art. From my own perspective, my collaborations with art material commenced into producing nonsense, absurdity, trash, pretense. There was no wisdom in my art, there was no market, no consumer worth my time or mere effort. It is undisputed that my art and my form will go on without question, and Scarlett Jordan learned quickly. Never again did she neglect my wishes. She was an inevitable slave of my own amusement. Her mind was scrupulous, it was like the beginning of a flower, early in blossoming. But she was obedient, I had asked of her once to prance around the flat in Hartford omitted of her clothes. Her then primary response was without hesitation. I could make her do anything. There in the core of my grasp, was Scarlett Jordan.

In Victoria, the beach is cold and the wind from the sea is like the last cold, dying breath of Scarlett Jordan when she died under the firm, tenacious grasp of my fists around her succumbing neck. The very epic conclusion of my affiliations with an obligated love. The waves, the smell of the Pacific sodium in the air. It all reminded me of this Jordan. All at once I produced a detestable emotion, and nausea waves through me like a ghost. Well at least I'm drunk. At least Lilly is here to distract me, wane me of my constant thinking. The SES chip in the back of my neck, on the tip of my spine, makes me think otherwise. I can't figure out how to delete Scarlett Jordan from my head.

Reviews

[Naraly Godinez]

Not stream of consciousness.... Or maybe so to the character in the book. Very interesting read it twice through. Now I think two things first it felkt like someone who was in the war before and had experience severe traumatic moments, and that lead him to have flash backs and believe the only reason he can still function is because of this ses chip.
Then after reading the last italicized paragraph I noticed it did not match with the previous italized ones the first two seemed connected like I once said a flash back and the normal typeface the present story . after a closer look however I beg to question if scarlett is in his grasp or if she has his layalty and the loyalty of all the other men. She is the fuehrer. The ticking clock , the pendelum swinging. She is the object that represents all these social connections gone wrong. Belofe that what happens the outcomes are completely in our control. But they are not, and we are not to blame when things dotont work out or last. I might be wrong but it almost feels like a dark love story. We lie and say we are not part of this group and that we won't fall for this never lasting relationships marriages, and these failing commitments but we only refrain from commitments because we know we will make the same mistake. The SES chip is us giving into society's drama, that we will fail miserably. Scarlett is the fuehrer, the tyrant of love. She loves terribly brutally , without restrictions.

[Chadvonswan]

Naraly, that is an interesting view on this messed up, confusing story. Honestly I don't even know what's going on, but I'm glad you do. :D

[Naraly Godinez]

It's my job to understand gibberish :)