Date

A peachy night out with the girl..

So this is Valentines Day.

I could tell that the credits were eventually going to start cascading down the giant screen; everybody was shifting uncomfortably in their seats and somewhat impatiently. The smell of warm film filled the air laced with a popcorn residue. Popcorn lay scattered rejected on the blind floor at our feet, and she had laughed when she spilled it. The faces on the screen were smiling sincerely, and I had just about had enough of this bullshit for one evening. I turned my head and looked at her, and she had a melancholy expression flexed in her cheeks, matching the actors on the screen.

I looked up at the ray of light coming out of the wall right above my head, dust flying in the beam projected onto the screen. I maintained that position until my favorite part of this movie appeared, and I read the list of a bunch of morons who made this really s****y movie. She looked at me and wiped a tear away that formed in the corner of her blue eye.

“I was not expecting that ending, I totally thought he was going to stay with her.”

“Yeah, me too. Poor Jennifer.”

“Judith.”

“What?”

“The girl in the movie was named Judith.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“I thought I heard Jennifer.”

“We're you even paying attention?”

No I was too busy looking at your cleavage.

“Yeah, I was paying attention. It just wasn't that great of a movie.”

“I thought it was good. Why didn't you like it?”

“There was too many flaws. Like the scene where she was in the bathtub and her Dad just walked right in and saw her wet tits floating in the bubbly water. I mean, why didn't she lock the door? She knew she was taking a goddamn bath for s***s sake. She could have locked the damn door.”

We were walking out of the theater, past all the movie posters with intense pictures and text too big. Probably future flops. Most likely.

“She did that on purpose, Jim. She wanted that guy to walk in and find her in the tub.”

“Yeah well that was pretty stupid. Her dad could have at least knocked.”

“It's just a movie, Jim. You take movies too seriously.”

“Well if someones going to make a movie, they should at least make a movie worth watching.”

“It was worth watching.”

“It was a terrible film.”

“Oh Jim. You're so hard to please.”

“What if I did that, Jane?”

“What if you made a terrible movie?”

“No, what if I walked in on you taking a bath?”

“You wouldn't.”

“Well what if I did?”

We stopped walking. She turned and looked at me and she sighed, her breath visible in the cold air. The lights of the nearby restaurant glowed warmly on her soft face.

“You wouldn't walk in on me Jim.”

“Well what if it accidentally happened?”

“It wouldn't happen because I would lock the door.”

“Exactly. See, that stupid b***h didn't lock the door.”

“Oh my God, were you even paying attention?”

“I'm starved. You wanna get something to eat.”

She looked away from me, annoyed, and sighed again.

“Sure.”

“Let's go here.”

We walked up to the window and ordered two slices of pizza and two cokes. Jane sat down at a wrought iron table with two chairs. The cashier handed me my change and I chucked the pennies and kept the quarter.

“Why did you do that?”

“They were just pennies.”

“Yeah, but think of all the times you've thrown a penny on the ground. You could have kept it and saved it. You could possibly be two dollars richer by now.”

Oh, Jane. The things you say.

“I don't like nickles either.”

“Oh Jim. You're wasteful. And you don't like good movies.”

“Are you kidding me? I love great film. That was the shittiest piece of pie I've ever tried, I do not lie.”

“Pie?”

“Oh come on Jane. Don't take s**t to literally.”

“Will you stop swearing, please?”

I sat down at the table in front of her and coughed. 

“This chair is f*****g cold on my a*s.”

Jane stood up, her face overwhelmed, furious, and she started in the opposite direction.

“Hey! Jane!”

She didn't turn around, but I saw her head turn slightly.

“Hey, aren't you going to eat your pizza? S**t!”

I ran after her, and grabbed her arm and swung her around.

“Jane, please.”

“You're an a*s.”

“Yes, I know, I'm sorry, now will you please come back and eat this pizza with me.”

Her face was red and she was breathing steadily. I touched her cheek and it was cold. She slapped my hand away, but I knew she liked it.

“Jane, hey look at me. Hey,” I cupped her face with my warm palms and she looked me in the eye, hers seemingly on fire. “I'm sorry. Hey. Jane. I'm sorry. I'll stop.”

She didn't say anything as we walked back, and when she sat down the cashier slid open the door and said our pizza was ready. I stepped up to him and took the pizza and drinks without saying thanks because he looked like an idiot and sat down in the chair next to Jane. I pulled the chair closer to her body until our shoulders touched.

“I'm sorry.”

“You said that already.”

“Well you're not saying anything to me.”

She bit into the pizza and stared at the table. I looked at her profile in adoration, in awe, in amazement. She was absolutely beautiful. She could be a model if she really wanted too. She would have to lose a little weight but that's it.

“I'm sorry I ran off.”

“If I went on a date with myself and I did that to me I would run away from me to.”

I saw a smile crack her tired face and I knew that I was in the clear.

We were both quiet as we ate the pizza. Jane ate her whole pizza and then, oddly, moved on to her untouched coke.

“Why don't you drink your soda while you eat the pizza?”

“Why do you have to question everything, Jim?”

She was still mad at me, obviously, but I was loosening her up.

“We should have saw the other movie. Now that would have been fun.”

“You're not having fun?

“I didn't say that, I just--”

“Yeah, you kinda did say that.”

I put my arm around her shoulder and kissed her fresh cheek.

I whispered in her ear, “I'm cold.”

“I'm not.”

“You have this big sweater on.”

“You should have brought one.”

“I forgot. I was too busy thinking about you.”

She stared at some guys walking by and kept her eyes on them as they walked towards the theater. I turned her face towards mine and smiled. There were orange smudges around her lips from the pizza and I grabbed a napkin and wiped them off. She didn't smile back.

“It's getting cold lets walk to the car.”

“Okay.”

I stood up, pushing the chair out and it screamed against the concrete. I put my arm around her shoulder again and she tensed up as if she was uncomfortable. I let go of her and sighed. The moon was big tonight.

In the parking lot people were leaving, the white eyes of cars reversing glared at us and drove off with red eyes. I took out my car keys and hit the unlock button and my car yelped somewhere nearby.

I opened my door and got in but Jane stayed outside.

“It wont open.”

“You gotta pull hard.”

She tugged handle and it made clink noises but the door didn't open.

“It's not opening.”

“Okay hold on.”

I got out and walked around and opened the door in one quick, easy movement. She laughed embarrassed and I laughed too and kissed her lips.

“You taste like pizza.”

“Eww, that's gross, don't kiss me.”

“No, it tastes good.”

She giggled and fell in the car seat. I walked around and started the car and loud music screamed at us, startling us, and I turned it down quickly. I backed out of the parking lot and drove onto the silent road.

“The movie wasn't that bad, you know.”

“Oh, sure Jim. Whatever, I'll give you you're eight dollars back.”

"No, I'm serious. It wasn't terrible. There were some aspects of the movie that I enjoyed.”

“Like what?” 

“Like the cinematography.”

“The what?”

“The story was lacking, and there were major flaws, but the cinematography in the beginning was great.”

“Yeah. Oh yeah it was.”

She has no idea what cinematography is.

We stopped at a red light and I leaned over to kiss her and she leaned away.

“Hey come on. You look substantially divine tonight.”

She blushed, and even in the glow of the red traffic light I could tell her cheeks grew rosy.

“Come here rosy cheeks.”

I kissed her and she didn't lean away. In fact she leaned in and gripped my lip, and I felt her hand move to my leg. My hands were in her hair, my fingers on the back of her neck, and I was pulling her face into mine. I wanted to shove my face into hers, bury it in her face as deeps as possible, but that was physically impossible. Her warm tongue slid into my mouth and that was it for me. I put the car in park and unbuckled my seat belt and pushed her closer to me. 

“Jim,”

“Don't worry there's no cars behind us.”

The light turned green and illuminated her face, but it wasn't as sexy as the red light. 

“Jim stop.”

“Fine.”

I sped off abruptly and Jane was thrown back in her seat. 

“Why do you do this?”

“Do what?” I gripped the steering wheel and then turned the music up.

Jane reached over and turned it off. 

“Do this.”

“What?”

“Why do you have to be an a*****e?”

“How the f**k am I being an a*****e?”

“You are being rude to me. You act like you don't want to be with me, and when you do you just want to kiss me. You keep cussing, and it gets annoying. You didn't like the movie, and you're just negative.”

“Negative?”

“Yeah, you're sucking all the fun out of me.”

“Well, I'm sorry Jane. I'm sorry that you chose such a stupid f*****g movie to go see. I'm sorry you have the ears of a five year old. You're seventeen for Christ's sake, people cuss. And maybe I want to kiss you because I like you Jane. You're my girl.”

Jane sighed and pulled out her cellphone to avoid talking to me. She made it look like she was texting someone else. S**t, she probably was. I looked away from the road and squinted at the small bright screen in her palm. She definitely was texting someone, but I couldn't make out the name

Driving in the dark, there's no other cars out. Just the moon. We're nearing her house, and Jane hasn't said anything. I looked over at Jane and her face was lit by her phone and her eyes were staring deeply into the bright square. 

“Jane,”

No reply. I touched her arm. She shrugged away and leaned closer to the door, away from me.

She didn't talk, she didn't say a word until we were on her road. 

“Jane, I'm sorry.”

“Okay.”

She put her phone in the pocket of her tight jeans, her warm, soft thigh under the blue cloth. I put my hand on her thigh, and it definitely was warm. She looked at me with a sad expression, her eyes were wet with sorrow, and when she realized I noticed this she looked away out the window. The glowing red dot on Jane's mailbox reflected back at us in the glare of the headlights and I turned into her driveway. The sound of rocks popping under the tires, the opening of the door, the sound of Jane's feet crunching pebbles under her shoes. 

“Jane.”

She had her hand on the door, she was about to close it. Jane turned and looked at me for the last time that night, and a thick tear trailed down her cheek, its route slick in the moonlight.

“Jane, whats wrong?”

She slammed the door and hurried to her own. I got out of the car and ran over to her standing motionless at the door, her arms hugging herself. I touched her shoulder and turned her around. Her eyes were red and her cheeks were stained. I pulled her into an embrace but her arms hung limply at her sides. 

“Hey, whats wrong?” 

I turned her face towards mine, but she didn't look at me. Her cheeks were cold and moist as I cupped them in my hands. Her eyes looked at everything but me.

“I love you, Jane.”

She dropped her head and looked at her feet, a tear slid off her nose. I turned her face towards mine and I wiped the tears away. Her hair was in her face and I pushed it back and kissed her for the last time. 

“Goodnight.”

I started to walk away and then stopped, hoping she would say something, anything. She opened the door of her home and disappeared. I sighed and got in the car and backed out of her driveway. Driving, I blamed myself for Jane being upset. It was all my fault. Why do I have to be the way I am? But what exactly did I do? What did I do wrong? 

I stopped at a stop sign. I looked left. I looked right. I noticed Jane's jacket was sitting in the passenger seat. She forgot it. I picked it up and held it in front of me. I smelled it, pushing my face into it. I took a breath and held her scent in my lungs. My nose felt something in her jacket, and my ears heard a shuffling inside. I held the jacket in front of me and felt around, and then I saw something stick out of the pocket. I took it out and it was a folded up piece of paper. I set the jacket aside and unfolded it. My eyes traced her handwriting: 

Jim, I'm sorry, but this just isn't going to work for me anymore. I thought I loved you, I thought I was going to stay with you, but there's just differences between you and me that can't be resolved. We're two different people, and I tried to make myself love you, but I just can't. I can't be with you anymore. I'm so sorry.

I put the car in park and dropped the paper on my lap. I stared off into the night and the nothingness ahead of me. The stop sign beamed at me. STOP. A red sign declaring a blatant command at me, one of many, thousands. Millions of f*****g signs telling you to just stop. And are they just  telling you to stop your car, or are they saying stop everything? Stop. What if I don't want to f*****g stop. You can't stop me. I'm not going to listen to a f*****g stop sign. Is the universe just telling me to give up? To stop where I'm at? Stop while I'm this far? Maybe it's telling me to turn around, go back and take control of this situation. What the hell am I thinking? I'm taking implied advice from a piece of metal. 

The red traffic light, glowing on Jane's face. Stop. When I kissed her and didn't want to stop. “Jim, STOP!”

I choked on my breath. I felt my face heat up. My ears caught fire. I felt nothing inside of me. As if her scribbled words sucked every cell, every organ and muscle and nerve out of my body. Warped my mind, like her stupid, senseless text messages that she sent me all the time. Flicking my switch on an off, different moods constantly. Happy, sad, aroused, pissed off. Pressing my buttons, pulling my string like I'm a f*****g toy. STOP.

I slammed my foot on the gas pedal, aiming to speed off into the night, pissed off and never looking back, but the car was still in park and I fumbled with the shift clumsily and put it in reverse accidentally and started yanking on the damn lever to get into the drive position. I forced it into drive and sped off, the tires screaming against the road. I was driving too fast, trying to escape the inevitable tears that were chasing me, but they were getting close, they were right behind me, right behind my eyes and then the tears came spilling out, along with the moans and the cries and the heaving breaths of shame. I blamed myself. I did this to  myself. 

I felt a vibration in my pocket and pulled out my phone. The phone said Jane texted me and my first thought was shes going to apologize and ask me to come back to her house and then she'll hug me and never let go. I opened the text and it said: I left my jacket in your car.

“Well f**k you, b***h!”

I rolled down the window and threw Jane's jacket out into a field. I drove off and tried to keep the tears behind me.