Left

blissful anxiety

            You're driving your car at night, the only thing visible is the road illuminated in front of you, a vague ten feet of headlights. Your eyes are heavy, your brain a roll of film playing this afternoons meeting, which went terribly wrong. You said the wrong words, your mind went blank, your tongue tangled and you stuttered pathetically.

            You're going to get fired and you know it. At this sudden thought you squeeze the steering wheel, as if you're squeezing your bosses throat, strangling the cynical remarks until they come pressuring out of his ears, mouth, nose, every open orifice, popping his eyeballs out of his head until the insults spill out onto the floor of his office.

            A single drop of rain falls on the windshield and your hand automatically flicks on the wipers. Left, right. The rain drop is gone, disappeared, eradicated by the simple movement of your hand turning a knob. A couple more tears from the black sky land on your windshield and subconsciously your hand gets rid of them, left, right. The wipers smear them away in an instant, so easily. Similar to how easily your job was smeared away, your life.

            You're phone rings, you feel the vibration in your pocket tickle your thigh, and out comes the phone, having its seizure in your palm. Your eyes adjust to the small screen and you read the name who is calling you. Its your wife. A sigh is forced out of your tired body and your left hand chokes the steering wheel, your right hand confused as to what to do with the phone.

            You roll down the window, random raindrops spray your dry, thirsty face, and you throw your phone out into the gentle rain, still vibrating. Still waiting to be answered. The sad sound of a intentionally ignored, intentionally destroyed call echoes off the wet pavement. Screw her, you think aloud. Why the f**k would I want to talk to her now. F**k her. She’s fucked everyone else in the neighborhood. So f**k her. You don't realize it, but a tear has slipped out of your eye. You didn't even realize you started talking out loud.

            A tired laugh escapes you, sending more tears spilling out of your head. The cold, moist wind

 has numbed your face and your finger sends the window slowly back up to its place. The wind and rain cease. The sound of silence is too uncomfortable, you don't want to be alone in your head. You turn the radio on and hear the sounds of some a*****e who thinks his music is worthy of being projected into your car, and ultimately through your ears and into your brain. No thank you sir, you whisper, and you punch the radio off.

            Rain has officially started to fall, and you notice the moon for the first time, sitting up in the dead sky, by itself. No stars, just one lonely moon. You think in your head, You and me both, brother. Where's my f*****g entourage of stars? You wait for the rain to completely obscure your view of the road before you turn the wipers on. Left- the rain disappears. Right- the drops return to rape the windshield. Your eyes subconsciously follow the wipers. Left- the wipers murder the rain drops. Right- the tears dive back onto your windshield, drenching your view of the road almost instantly. Left- the tears cease to exist for that split second.      

            You remember your stupid, irrelevant life, and suddenly you want to throw up. You resist the nausea, wipe your sweaty hands on your pants and grab the wheel. Your eyes jump back to the windshield wipers. Left- vanished tears. Right- stained windshield. The image of your wife's cold, lying face smiles at you in your brain. The view of your small office and your a*****e boss resonates your conscious and the nausea returns. Returns like the way you return to your small home every day, to a screaming, unhappy wife, to basic cable, to your f*****g annoying Chihuahua.

            Then you realize it will forever be the same s**t every day.

            Left- the rain is wiped away like you wipe away tears. Right- the tears return. Left- the pain dies away. Right- the pain hits harder, faster.

            The first sign of oncoming headlights shine down on you and you wince at the sudden light. The rain continues to fall, yet faster and harder. You clench the wheel, palms stained with perspiration. The  headlights are growing closer. Your eyes burn with tears, your armpits are drenched with warm,

 uncomfortable sweat. Your mind is racing, your head about to explode from the unbearable pressure. Your heart is beating too fast, and you know your wallet is empty except for the sad face that  beams up at you every time you open your wallet. The same sad face that is plastered to your head right now.

            Left or right? The rain is asking you, the wipers are asking you, your mind is asking you. Which way do you go?  The headlights of the other car are so close you can make out the car, a semi-truck, the grill trimmed with orange lights, like eyes. You can hear the roar of its engine, angry at you. Despises you like the rest of the world. The semi-truck is racing towards you on its twenty four wheels, its engine screaming at you like your wife will be screaming at you tonight.

            Will you fight back? Left or right? Your heart is in your throat, the disappointed face of your wife glares at you in your mind’s eye, along with the unpaid stack of bills on your desk. Air is breathing in and out of you like a motor, its fogging up the windows. The wipers are racing back and forth outside the windshield, left, but you still can’t see anyways, right, the view of the road is being choked out of view turning gray, dying, like you. Left or right?

            Your choice, the only answer is written in your head, right behind your eyes, right there in your fading mind. Don't make the right decision. There is no right decision. There has never been a right decision. The semi-truck is about to pounce. Your sweaty hands slowly turn the wheel.

            Left.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Raymond Federle]

Very good. Suspenseful and thrilling! A joy ride for sure! lol :)

[Ania L]

I thoroughly enjoyed this! Could feel my heart beating faster as you described how my mind was racing etc etc. really fun and easy to read.

If I may, can I suggest a couple of things are tightened up to make it really fantastic? Like:

'Your heart is beating too fast, and you know your wallet is empty except for the sad face that beams up at you every time you open your wallet.'

Little things like the repetition of wallet made me stop and reread. The rest however was great fun.

[Chadvonswan]

Thank you very much, ha ha i try to write as weird and paranoid as possible