of sleeping and falling with my knee

foggy thoughts
burden
an uncertain
life. uncertain of
faith, love, self, of being.
loathe
(life) .
poison
(please) .
could every
ambition be a mistake?
every passing
thought a lie
to ones self? every drink
the last? here i sit, here
i live...eventually dead. who
to be, if
not i? climb stairs,
climb skies,
climb stars,
climb the highest mountain. the highest
mountain of which
to proclaim; 'no,
they don't understand,
no one will understand- not even i,
even i do not understand.'
-lean on
the handlebars, shout
louder, shout
louder. lose
balance-
balance
is lost- and fall.
falling
faster and
faster, deeper and
deeper
into
the
void.
trying to
stop
myself, but
unable, can't
stop myself,
just falling into
the
void- the
void,
where i cry,
i cry
as a baby cries,
where i try
to hold myself
together
but i just can't keep
a steady grip,
where i can't look
at
myself.
the wound on
my right knee re-opens.
tendons,
veins,
bone, and
flesh- all
exposed,
exposed to the
world-
screaming.
screaming; 'i don't need
you! you're
worthless! i
don't
need
you! '.
i slap
the b*****d, and pour
tequila into its mouth and
the screaming becomes
singing, singing a song
of joy, a song
of praise
- he needs me, he loves
me afterall...and
we sleep,
me and
my knee,
we slept well
into
the next
day.