Lost

 

 

the lost piece is now a shadow

but I remember subtle movements

flowing to blunt truths

words rising with the aria

breathing a tale of timid voices,

the eyes I avoid are too kind

to speak

the lost piece fades with each blink

becoming only a desperately longed

longing desperately reminiscence

 

Author's Note

Cp. 2:47PM Tue 08128 NM Jane Austen Book Club i lost a piece last night, morning still, trying to be alright, doing worse, i'll attempt to recreate it but it won't be the same, sniffle ahh (Typed, Brads Comp-House)

Reviews

[mystic soul]

it's so beautifully written... great work...... really enjoyed this one...

[odhiambo]

i find your writing so well thought and deep.i could not possibly have written this.good work

[Murphy]

Wonderful... very nice

[J. Anthony Guerrero]

yay...don't know what else to say lol. good job. yeah, i'm a terrible reviewer i know.....

[Celtic Cat]

LOVE this!!!!!!!!! You truly did a wonderful job mourning your piece here. I HATE losing pieces... I do it often.. just as quickly as they create themselves in my head. You know what else I hate? Losing reviews. Did you ever do that? Gah I hate it.
THIS is a jewel if I ever saw one. What a lovely poem to rise from the ashes. Good luck on the re-creation!!
I'm faving this!!!!! (might save me a few hairs next time I lose something!!) Consider this piece a public service in that regard!! Love ya~~

[Christel Grady]

I love this! It flows perfectly. Beautiful write!

[J. A. Svercek]

Whoa someone has never actually followed my advice to the letter before. I think it sounds a lot better, though if you're going to say 'relished,' I don't think you should say 'desperately longed (for)' too.

[J. A. Svercek]

Nice!

I don't really like the last time (you could do better), but the rest of it has some really great metaphors.

Something I'd suggest is "the eyes that I avoid" instead of "avoided eyes" and "too kind" instead of "to kind" (doubtless a typo), as it flows a bit better in my opinion.

Thanks for writing.

J.