when do you hate yourself

 

 

When do you hate yourself?

I hate myself in moments like these

I hate myself when I have to take warm showers every morning

When I have to wash myself every night

I hate myself when I can’t stand because the stomach pain

Hurts with the cramping of muscles

I hate myself when my spine

Feels ready to break from pain

I hate myself in the moments

When mother says ‘good you’re not pregnant’

After three to four

Months of eagerly waiting

To see blood splatters on my sheets from morning surprises

I hate myself the times I have to cry this body to sleep

Because the pain wont bother to leave me be

I hate myself when I sit then scream

Sending Daddy on drug store trips

To pick up packets of ‘woman items’

I hate myself when they say

‘You’re a woman, be proud’

I hate myself on days like these

When the blood between my thighs

Is the only thing in my mind

And the hatred for that blood which is I

Is the only feeing coursing through this heart

 

Author's Note

Cp. 8:58PM Fri 0831�7 NM Inspired, Period, Letting it Flow Fast (Written Lenore)