Heartbreak

Here is one lame attempt at poetry, yeah I get it, it's not good, but I'm just in no mood for someone to comment and tell me it's bad. Because I already know it is. It's not even a real poem...

~Heartbreak~

It feels like part of you has been ripped out by bare hands.

You feel emotionless

 A blank canvas which was once filled with vibrant colors until someone paints it into nothingness.

All you feel is hollowness

You couldn't even feel a knife go through your heart. Because it's numb with pain. All around, you see bright shining stars, but never look at it the same way

 Because they are just taunting you because you will never be happy like them again

 

Your happiness has been soaked up by a sponge.

Everything you see is black and white

All is slowed down, making the pain worse

You want to sleep to escape the nightmare you were in but couldn't seem to chase the nightmare away

Nothing seems like it matters anymore

Your voice is heavy with pain but you're face is empty.

 

When you're heartbroken, you feel lost in this crazy world we call home...

Author's Note

This doesn't have rythem or rhyme...I just needed to write about how I feel. So ignore grammar or any other "poetry rules" I broke.

Reviews

[Jacques]

i agree with the others -that you shouldn't call yourself a lame poet because then your not having fun in expressing your feelings . Heartbreak is an Emotional , Dark but so realistically true poem which means that it's , the words are speaking and there alive and if the words are alive so is the poem . Good Write - i prefer the ones that come from the dark and hurt places , not fantasy poems but ones with heart and you certainly did that for me .

[RienKelsoCinema]

This really speaks to me. I feel like this during the day and feel very violent in my writing during the night. The funny thing is, things just move with a push. I enjoyed this. Great job at making a portrait surround your words, with your descriptions.

[RocketDog]

Don't ever say you are a lame poet ever again, because you are far from it! You have to believe in yourself.

[An owl on the moon]

This seems to express such a dark, lonely place... being torn apart... and yes, so far from home and safety and love... Vividly powerful.

[Neva Flores Smith - Cha..]

This is not a lame attempt by any means. This is some fantastic prose my friend, and your words speak the truth...........so poetically! Wow!

[midnight star]

I love this so much! This explains how I feel. VERY VERY nice piece!!!!! Since I've been writing, I don't feel so alone. Especially about love. Thank you for writing. Keep up the good work! :)

[Kyla H]

This is very good, and not all poetry needs to be in such a strenuous format. I'm glad that you were able to convey your emotions in such a manner.(:

[Devilish_Light]

Poetry to me has no rules its a steady flow of emotions like this one. When i write i don't pay attention to the rhythm or if it rhymes i just let the words flow out like you did. I say this is very good work. the pain is lifted a little just by writing it down and having others know helps to. Good job.