If I was God

If I was God
I would go back in time.
I'd certainly right
a terrible crime.
The power of God

If I had power
I would save the twin towers.
If I was God
I’d right that wrong?

I’m just a mortal with no power you see.
I can’t save this victim
because the victim is me.

Sometimes as men
we pay a price to be free.

The power of God
Grant me peace

9-11-01

God Bless the USA

Reviews

[J.Black]

I adore the message behind this Craig. However it's not following the syllabic count which I guess means that this is your first attempt at this, or perhaps it was a common error that the author made? Either way, I liked how you shared an experience with us. If you need help, you can message me and I'd be more than thrilled to explain to you how it should be composed.

[Kim Brooksyn]

This was a short, nice little piece. I can understand the meaning behind this however, there are some things that maybe could have been described more. "I'd right that wrong?, maybe you could speak more about what you mean. But nonetheless, this was still good, your message and feelings are quite clear.

[ChristieLovestoWrite]

quite simple but I find this poem so meaningful

[emmajoy]

True feelings expressed in a fine way, no matter the not so perfect technicalities. To try something new is an exploration of ability and you've done well. Your ' I'm just a mortal with no power you see. / I can't save this victim / because the victim is me. / Sometimes as men / we pay a price to be free.' seems to be a very sincere core to your post. It touched me.

Thank you for sharing.

[~angelalala~]

"Sometimes as men
we pay a price to be free." a powerful, heart-breaking write. simple, but intense. it seems so many want to forget what happened that day, but i remember it very well, and after reading your bio, obviously, no one could imagine what you went through. it impacted the world, everyone. there are so many things, we scratch our heads about, wondering why god or whoever is up there, allows these things to happen. this is one example. good write.

[octane143]

The power behind the words is evident. I read the reviews below and I'm not sure I follow them about the syballic count. Then again I don't write following form, more for emotion. This poem is packed with emotion and good intentions. I thoroughly enjoyed it. One thing though I noticed here you used a question mark...
I'd right that wrong?

Knowing your history with the twin towers I imagine this must have been hard to write. I hope it was therapeutic. Unfortunately we cannot change what happened. Thanks for the request hun, I really like it!

[Poeticpiers]

Not strictly ro form Craig If you recount your syllables you will find yoi have gone wring in places First line of first stanza is a syllable short/ I suggest you do re edit and correct the syllable count
I liked the content very much We all learners Craig ni matter how long we have been writing
My advice to you is write your poem then put it to one side for a while than re read recheck everything WE tend to read what we think is there rather than what is actually there I am guilty of this quite often

Just keep in writing try new forms You will find plenty of help if you want it. ivor

[Helena]

Craig, this is a wonderful write and great attempt, as I know it is your first.
Did you get the email from me explaining about the form? If not I can
send again if you wish. ~Helena

[Salvatore Buttaci]

A good poem, but it's not following the syllabic count required for this form. Could you go back and edit it so the poem fits the form?

Sal

[Poeticpiers]

A fine attempt. Omnipotence must be a terrible burden.