DANDELION RAIN

Age of innocence; age of lies

in bullet-screaming cobalt skies

Orchid lips of rasping joys

the smiles of six sentient boys

Children in red rose pain

dancing in the dandelion rain

Man with money, smell of power

ticking on the cutting hour

Takes our breath on streets of cold

and in that moment he takes our gold

Empires built on brittle bones

prices falling on our homes

Greed devours the hungry earth

strips her of her precious worth

A child died in the street last night

while others danced in money’s light

She died in the dandelion rain

Do you feel her pain? Feel her pain

Age of innocence; age of lies

now we watch as our innocence dies…

 

Author's Note

Dandelion rain suggests something beautiful but barren. Right now the world suffers from the greed and misuse of those who had been entrusted with our well-being. What now will be do to preserve a bright future for those who follow us?

Reviews

[Stephanie]

As usual it was a captive and stunning piece of work. But this time it really hit me hard because your message came across so strong. Something went wrong in the world and we don't pay attention anymore because we're too absorbed in ourselves.

"Greed devours the hungry earth
strips her of her precious worth
A child died in the street last night
while others danced in money's light"

That was the most gripping stanza. You have the gift of being able to get things, important things, across so easily and with such beautiful words even if the subject is our own carelessness. I am never not impressed with your work! This was no exception :] Amazing write Craig.

[emmajoy]

This is such a heart-warming, thought provoking poem! I've now read it four times and feel it comes from the deep and private space of a very sensitive and aware writer. You have a way of using words to create emotion in your reviewer, like an artist giving the outlines of a painting which needs to be coloured-in by the reader.

'Children in red rose pain ~ dancing in the dandelion rain' - tragic but beautiful phrases.

Thank you for sharing.

[Mark]

Craig:
I'm sorry, my friend, but of all the dozens of your pieces I've read, for possibly the first time, I simply didn't get it. The rhyme ws fine, the meter tight, but, though it pains me to say it, the similes were just lost on me...Maybe a PM with some explanation?

[Touché Armada]

First thanks it seems like its been a long long time since I recieved a request to read something.

Alrighty then.. "Age of innocents age of lies", It might simply be me but I have trouble with the order and accompaniment.
To me "age of lies in the age of innocents" might work better even if it messes with your rhyme scheme. Millicent ("she with the gentle gait")
Millicent rain, skies cobalt bullet screaming Millicent (because they never never fall not like bullets, unless the universe sends us a massive meteorite)
Naturally there is a dark and sinister overtone which is what this piece is all about, "rasping lips of orchard joys" because given proper circumstance they are orchard joys provided the lips are not rasping. I think you skip too sudden to a robbery of gold as if stealing a part of a person could even compare.
All in all its a good write, but personally I think it neither feels the boys or the girl. Flowers hold a symbolism many of them made aaages ago, I always feel that such things of beauty and subtlety should be or are at least worthy (due to their beautiful nature) to be time honoured and passed on through ages. Dandelion means love me, affection returned, desire, sympathy, faithfulness, happiness and love's oracle. Dandelion is the English form of the French term, which means a lion's tooth.
Unfortunately for me the dandelion is a special flower.. I think because of this little anon poem as follows..

MUD PUDDLES AND DANDELIONS


When I look at a patch of dandelions, I see a bunch of weeds that are
going to take over my yard and pasture and garden.
My child sees flowers for Mum and blowing white fluff you can wish on.

When I look at an old drunk and he smiles at me, I see a smelly, dirty
person who probably wants money and I look away.
My child sees someone smiling at them and they smile back.

When I hear music I love, I know I can't carry a tune and don't have
much rhythm so I sit self-consciously and listen. My child feels the beat
and moves to it. She sings out the words. If she doesnt know them, she
makes up her own.

When I feel wind on my face, I brace myself against it. I feel it
messing up my hair and pulling me back when I walk. My child closes her
eyes, spreads her arms and flys with it, until she falls to the ground
laughing.

When I pray, I say thee and thou and grant me this, give me that. My
child says, "G'day God! Thanks for my toys and my friends.
Please keep the bad dreams away tonight.
Sorry, I don't want to go to Heaven yet. I would miss my Mum and Dad."

When I see a mud puddle I step around it. I see muddy shoes and dirty
carpets. My child sits in it and jumps in it. she sees dams to build, rivers
to cross and ships to sail.

I wonder if we are given children to teach or to learn from? No wonder God
loves little children!!
Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you may look back and
realize they were the big things.

I wish you BIG MUD PUDDLES and SUNNY YELLOW DANDELIONS

-- Author Unknown

It's always been fluff to wish upon when we were young enough to believe that sometimes just sometimes wishes can come true.. How sad that so many stop believing, because what do you have when all the wishes and dreams?

all in all a good piece.

[Stacey Watts]

This was such a deep sorrowful piece. Very well written. This was an excellent piece.

[Wildfleour]

So sad and yet so much truth is expressed in your write, Craig. It really pulled at my heartstrings.

xxx's

[LoLo]

I got the shivers once again. The rhythm was fantastic. Very insightful, a lovely poem!

[A]

WOW! This poem is perfect. I love your rhyming and the wording just flows great together! Great poem! :)

[GYPSYLEAH]

Dandelion Rain: Love the title - This should make everyone think about how our world is in chaos right now. Not just here in the USA but world wide. Children are dying in the streets, retiring folks have to keep working because all their savings were stolen by bankers who own multible million dollar homes.
I loved it. Very nice work.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

A wonderfully metaphoric piece for this really does captures the state of of country right now...

A child died in the street last night
while others danced in money's light
She died in the dandelion rain
Do you feel her pain? Feel her pain
Age of innocence; age of lies
now we watch as our innocence dies�

that ending was in your face sad truth... the poor are getting poorer and the rich are getting richer at our expense.