Empty Soul

Empty Soul

A Poem by AaronFreitas
"

Originally a song I wrote way back Feb 10, 2008, changed a couple things so I could share. It was written about a specific moment in my life where things weren't good.

"

 

Nothing's ever perfect
Nothing's ever fair
I look into these eyes
And see this blank stare

Frayed since my creation
Abandoned from the start
My mother never loved my dad
And it breaks my f*****g heart!

Made to disappoint
Destined to fail
Created for your laughter
Only I could never tell

I am so pathetic
It’s so sad to see
I am just a worthless liar
but that’s what you made of me

That’s why you did it
That’s why you left me empty
Torn between my family
And it’s not sad for you to see

Why me? Why me?
What did I do to deserve this empty destiny?
Why me? Why me?
Take my empty soul and leave me free to be

You gave me life
But left me in this empty hole
So take my life
And my empty soul

 

© 2016 AaronFreitas


Author's Note

AaronFreitas
Please share your thoughts :)

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Featured Review

Wow....I'd share a song to answer this, but it's not on English, and i couldn't translate yet. . so ....

i can relate to this, all too well. (except for being a liar.)

but, take a quick note, we're all here for you :)
you're not worthless.
:)
you're one of a kind. no one could even think about asking for a better friend :)

i loved the write
full rating

Posted 8 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Dani The Unreviewed

8 Years Ago

And you're welcome.
AaronFreitas

8 Years Ago

Awesome song to read to by the way! Almost couldn't even read your review I have my guitar on my co.. read more
Dani The Unreviewed

8 Years Ago

hehehe : )



Reviews

oh my goodness my friend...I can relate on the level of not feeling my mother loved my father...and she did but it was just too late. there is an emptiness in this poem as you say, and it rings out loudly. it makes my heart ache for you, but you are incredibly well expressed.

Posted 8 Years Ago


2 of 3 people found this review constructive.

AaronFreitas

8 Years Ago

Thank you jesserose :) It's something that as kids you don't miss. You look at your parents for gui.. read more
Very well expressed.Thanks for sharing dear friend :)

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 2 people found this review constructive.

AaronFreitas

8 Years Ago

Thank you for your comments Zaisha :) Appreciate you as a friend :)
Emotionally powerful... I liked it.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 2 people found this review constructive.

AaronFreitas

8 Years Ago

Thank you very much prachi :) It means a lot that you read and left some feedback... appreciate it .. read more
Some questions can't be answered. Understand life. Hard quest to be done.
"Why me? Why me?
What did I do to deserve this empty destiny?
Why me? Why me?
Take my empty soul and leave me free to be"
The above lines. Asked by the most of us. Thank you Aaron for sharing your outstanding poetry.
Coyote

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 2 people found this review constructive.

AaronFreitas

8 Years Ago

I agree... I remember as a kid... maybe 10 or 11 when times were really hard. I would lay on my bed.. read more
Coyote Poetry

8 Years Ago

Was my pleasure to read your work and you are welcome.
I love it, everyone will walk in your shoes at least once in their life so to your readers I say live and learn :~)
OK here I go again, your sentence structure could use a little tweaking to give it the best flow possible. I hope you don't mind my doing a tweaking for you.

Nothing's ever perfect
Nothing's ever fair
I look into these eyes
And see this blank stare

Frayed since my creation
Abandoned from the start
My mother never loved my dad
And it breaks my f*****g heart!

Made to disappoint
Destined to fail
Created for your laughter
Only I could never tell

I am so pathetic
It’s so sad to see
I am just a worthless liar
but that’s what you made of me

That’s why you did it
That’s why you left me empty
Torn between my family
And it’s not sad for you to see

Why me? Why me?
What did I do to deserve this empty destiny?
Why me? Why me?
Take my empty soul and leave me free to be

You gave me life
But left me in this empty hole
So take my life
And my empty soul

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 2 people found this review constructive.

AaronFreitas

8 Years Ago

Thanks for your time and work doing that... I appreciate it! I was just responding to Meeks how sin.. read more
Great dig-up from past. I can't say I would publish my writing from that long ago, it probably sounds horrifying.

Here's some critique, if you ever plan on changing this. (Honestly, don't. It's a piece of history now.)

Title, the first letter 'm' should be capitalized. Makes a better em sound, because people stress the letter more.

"Nothings" should be "Nothing's"

Second to last stanza, the repetitions are a nice touch but I think it would be nice if you made the objects different while keeping the same meaning. So that the meaning repeats, the words almost do. Ex. "Why I, why me."

And last stanza. First you talk about how it gave you life, then you ask it to take it away, except in the same words. Well, almost.
I would change the third line so that it re-implies that life was given by the same thing.

Overall, perfect. Again, I hope you utterly ignore my advice and don't change a thing. Use this for future projects, just tips on your style.
Thanks for posting. And keep writing.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 2 people found this review constructive.

AaronFreitas

8 Years Ago

I appreciate your feedback and a fresh perspective on this write. I've sung this song so many times.. read more
Very nice poem..You have expressed emotions and feelings in such a beautiful way....Keep it up and Happy New Year in advance ....

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 2 people found this review constructive.

AaronFreitas

8 Years Ago

Thank you riddhi :) I'm glad you liked it and I appreciate your comments. Wait... you don't get of.. read more
a poem which left us, the readers with the photograph of sadness. very nice but sad piece.


Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 2 people found this review constructive.

AaronFreitas

8 Years Ago

It is a little sad to know that mentally we allow ourselves to crawl into that dark place but I'm su.. read more
Irenic

8 Years Ago

Welcome.....................................:)
Wow....I'd share a song to answer this, but it's not on English, and i couldn't translate yet. . so ....

i can relate to this, all too well. (except for being a liar.)

but, take a quick note, we're all here for you :)
you're not worthless.
:)
you're one of a kind. no one could even think about asking for a better friend :)

i loved the write
full rating

Posted 8 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Dani The Unreviewed

8 Years Ago

And you're welcome.
AaronFreitas

8 Years Ago

Awesome song to read to by the way! Almost couldn't even read your review I have my guitar on my co.. read more
Dani The Unreviewed

8 Years Ago

hehehe : )
I feel the dark thoughts you had when you originally wrote this, and that alone adds so much to this piece. The torment inside only to be slightly released with the help of the pen. I love seeing these early writes because I get to see how you, and your writing have grown. You started great, and now your fantastic :)

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 2 people found this review constructive.

AaronFreitas

8 Years Ago

Thank you so much Amber... hope you have a good New Years... don't part too hard! :)
Amber Lily

8 Years Ago

You too Aaron! Hope you had a good new year as well! May have partied harder than I wanted to but I'.. read more
AaronFreitas

8 Years Ago

Haha you're lucky! I didn't party hard but it was still fun :)

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2980 Views
75 Reviews
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on December 30, 2015
Last Updated on February 2, 2016
Tags: dark

Author

AaronFreitas
AaronFreitas

CA



About
I love to write, most my work tends to be on the darker side. I write from my heart and tend not to mess with it too much. I guess sometimes I write and post without focusing on what everyone else w.. more..

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