Padded Walls

Something different... no not about me :)

Wrap me up... strap me up

Throw away the key

Locked in a room, I lay to spoon

With a shadow of me

      Shut them up!!!

      Tell them to stop!!!

      These voices wont cease!

Rocking on the floor, feeling like a w***e

Thoughts unwind

Bite my tongue, just for fun

Where is my mind?

Pad these walls… ignore the calls

I must be crazy

Hear the cries… my soul lies

Visions hazy

       “Just do it

       kill yourself

       do the world a favor”

I cannot lie… the voice inside

Says take my life

So I jump to fly

I fall and cry

But cannot die

So wrap me up, strap me up

Throw away the key

It’s obvious this padded room

Is the end of me,

 

 

Author's Note

Read and review please :)

Reviews

[Maja]

Woah this one's actually pretty scary but I enjoyed reading it :D I especially love the third, fourth, and the last two lines, because it gave the feeling that there's no escape not just from the padded room, but from the condition itself. Great poem and I'm glad I read it :)

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you Maja :) I am glad you liked it. I tried to do something a little different with this write and I am glad you as a reader enjoyed :) Thank you

[Dani The Unreviewed]

This could be the description of someone locked up in a mad house. Nice job my friend.

[AaronFreitas]

Yes indeed... I've actually has to watch someone on suicide watch before and in a padded room. It's kind of a different and crazy feeling. One day the person wants to die and is trying to smash their head and speaking all kinds of crazy... then come back a few days later and they are telling stories ad laughing. Kind of an erratic mind that is uncontrollable. Glad you liked it IM :)

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Yeah, very well described. All together, this write was worth the 100# rating.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much IM :) I appreciate that my friend

[Dani The Unreviewed]

You are welcome.

[KWP]

impactful !!

Love your writing style on this one - kind of juts around like a madman - kind of erratic - yes like and untamed mind - even though it is a heavy subject I think you have portrayed it very well - keeps the reader glued to the page

good one you XX

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you so much... I am glad you understood the erratic kind of untamed mind approach to it. It's a crazy topic so I tried to keep the feelings in it as well as craziness :) Appreciate your review my friend :)

[GreenEyedPoet]

Awesome flow Aaron - a poem with a good flow is something I always like.
Really cool poem, I liked it. :]

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you Ashley... I tried to keep the flow as well as throw some different things in the like the voice in the back of his head... glad you liked it :)

[GreenEyedPoet]

I think it turned out well in that format. :)

[Perkele.7885]

Distress will manifest itself in any manner in which we let it. If we do not arrest its progress, we might well fall deeply under distress's spell. That would be a sad thing indeed.
If you give in, then we can't help you. If you open your mind to possibility, then we stand a chance of making you whole again.

[AaronFreitas]

Thanks Raj... hope you know this one isn't about me haha... well not yet at least lol... I remember I have worked suicide watch and had to watch the camera cell for an entire 12 hr shifts at a time and it was crazy. When they are in that state of mind it's like what the hell happened... you take your allotted days off come back and they are a different person. I was trying to get that craziness into this write... it's something unique that I'm sure most haven't witnessed. I actually have to testify in a 3rd strike case... guy gassed me when I worked in the jail but he is in a mental institution right now... thought of him sparked this thought and write :) Appreciate your review

[Gee]

Wow,that conjured up some vivid images Aaron.Havent read another like this.Sweeeeeet...

[AaronFreitas]

haha that's nice to hear that you haven't read another like this... was hoping for some crazy originality :) Appreciate your review Gee!

[Shea McWilliams]

This is so depressing. In a good way, I mean. It's really good. It's quite a whirlwind of emotions but it's super well written and you blend the emotions into the words so nicely. Great job, keep writing!
-Shea

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Shea :) I tried to make it kind of crazy and true to the emotion... appreciate you review and compliments :)

[Jamestown]

Wow! This is so well written!
Amazing flow and wording:)
Thanks for sharing and b-blessed!

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much James... tried to put out something slightly different... glad you liked it my friend :) Always appreciate your feedback :)

[JayceeC]

It's always hard to get into the mind of those who are mentally ill, but this is a good imitation. the thoughts unwind does not seem to flow as easily as the other lines in the poem, but depending on whether the reader takes that are part of the voice of the narrator, it may be good. For mw it was your one stumbling point in an otherwise smoothe write

[AaronFreitas]

I purposely tried to break it up a little and kind of attempt to be as sporadic as the characters mind... so you see some rhyming then a break where it's just like balled up screaming... then narrator voice and then the other voice in his head. I don't know... I was trying to do something a little different but what I think and want doesn't always come out into words as I plan haha :) I appreciate your review

[JayceeC]

The starts and stops and ragged tempo fit with the theme. Its just whether your readers see it.