I hear this, when i close my eyes and listen i can hear a small and scared and feeble voice, tattered and worn just pleading, almost begging for some mercy.
It makes your heart sink.
It also reminds me of a child, unaware and untainted having their first lesson in life but that somehow is a darker picture than the first.
Posted 9 Years Ago
2 of 2 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
I mentioned in a comment this write took me back to my childhood... laying in bed praying and gettin.. read moreI mentioned in a comment this write took me back to my childhood... laying in bed praying and getting a whooping. Thanks for your review Pixieblue :)
This is so beautifully written. It's heart-touching and has a great connectivity as well. It's something we all feel now and then. But to put it so expressively and beautifully into words! Hats off!
Please rescue my soul.
I loved this line. By putting ''soul'' there you gave such a lovely and deep meaning to the senryu. You've done a great job! :)
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
Thank you very much Bushra... I had actually written this piece with a different last line... had it.. read moreThank you very much Bushra... I had actually written this piece with a different last line... had it all the way to submit and stopped to sit on it for a while. It just didn't seem good enough then I came up with the new last line which I think fits a lot better. Really appreciate the review buddy :)
Fantastic my friend,
you said it, he heard it and know
you must believe he will do it!
Thanks for sharing and b-blessed!
God is good!!!
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
Thank you James... I just said in another response I can remember myself as a child doing the same t.. read moreThank you James... I just said in another response I can remember myself as a child doing the same thing... asking God if He can hear me. I know He does... I know he helps me and teaches me some life lessons along the way to help make me a better father :) Appreciate the review James :)
Definitely how I feel right now, eventually we'll get our answer. (:
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
Yes we will :) It reminds me of when I was a child praying and asking if He can hear me. Here I am.. read moreYes we will :) It reminds me of when I was a child praying and asking if He can hear me. Here I am today doing the same... but I know He is there guiding me... teaching me lessons along the way :) Thanks for the review :)
Yes a Senryu is a 17 syllable poem typically 5, 7, 5 syllables. I hadn't tried it until I saw some .. read moreYes a Senryu is a 17 syllable poem typically 5, 7, 5 syllables. I hadn't tried it until I saw some beautiful poems by FT... it's a challenging format as you try to create the feeling behind the words in a short 17 syllable poem. I believe a Senryu is a poem about emotion and feelings... a Haiku which is same format would be about nature. Hope I helped.
I love to write, most my work tends to be on the darker side. I write from my heart and tend not to mess with it too much. I guess sometimes I write and post without focusing on what everyone else w.. more..