I hear this, when i close my eyes and listen i can hear a small and scared and feeble voice, tattered and worn just pleading, almost begging for some mercy.
It makes your heart sink.
It also reminds me of a child, unaware and untainted having their first lesson in life but that somehow is a darker picture than the first.
Posted 9 Years Ago
2 of 2 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
I mentioned in a comment this write took me back to my childhood... laying in bed praying and gettin.. read moreI mentioned in a comment this write took me back to my childhood... laying in bed praying and getting a whooping. Thanks for your review Pixieblue :)
"Ask and you shall receive
seek and you shall find..." I do like the use of direct and unpretentious words in here. There is always beauty in simplicity.
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
Thank you Gabrielle :) Appreciate you reviewing my work :)
It sounds so natural, it's hard to believe it's a senryu! Not to rag on senryus, but sometimes going by syllables can leave a work feeling choppy. Nice work!
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
Thank you sooo much Emily! I appreciate that compliment very much. It took a lot of thinking but I.. read moreThank you sooo much Emily! I appreciate that compliment very much. It took a lot of thinking but I was happy with how it came out. I never know if it will be liked or not but if I like it I go with it :) I'm glad you liked it :)
WoW!!!
i have been trying to get an appointment.........do drop my name if you hear back........
loved it!!!
:)
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
Thank you Pushkar! I appreciate it... if I get an answer I'll tell Him swing your way also! lol th.. read moreThank you Pushkar! I appreciate it... if I get an answer I'll tell Him swing your way also! lol thanks buddy!
Hi Aaron. Wow!! you written a beautifully moving senryu that is filled with emotion and touches the reader exactly as it should . . deep in the heart!!! Love this, love the soulful plea for help, your word choice couldn't be improved!!! Great write . . . no, better than that. . . a brilliant write, my friend!!! full of passion and angst!! alf
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
Thank you very much alf.... definitely appreciate your review and kind words buddy :)
Awesome Aaron and i think the first senryu that i have read that is posed as a question! very creative and powerful too!
It tugs at my heartstrings a little so sending ya a hug my friend!
But great write :))
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
Awww thanks I appreciate it... I like to do things different... like to write and get out what I nee.. read moreAwww thanks I appreciate it... I like to do things different... like to write and get out what I need to even in a new format... glad you liked it that means a lot to me :)
I love to write, most my work tends to be on the darker side. I write from my heart and tend not to mess with it too much. I guess sometimes I write and post without focusing on what everyone else w.. more..